BEING RIGHT

Over the next few days or weeks, I will probably write a lot about the knowledge I gain from the cards of the Four Agreements that I've started using in therapy.  These cards are adapted from the book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz.  These agreements are so empowering and inspiring, and are a way to help us attain personal freedom and true happiness.  The four agreements are : 1)Be impeccable with your word, 2)Don't take anything personally, 3)Don't make assumptions, and 4)Always do your best.  There are 12 cards in each of  the 4 agreement areas.  I'll put a link at the bottom for both the book and the cards, in case anyone is interested.

The card I picked today is from the Be impeccable with Your Word agreement.  The card says: Release the need to be right.  On the back it states: "When you believe something, you assume you are right, and you may even destroy relationships in order to defend your position.  Let go of the need to defend your position."

This really hit home with me when I read it today after I could recall about 5 instances this morning in which my husband and I engaged in meaningless 2-3 minute bickering sessions in which we both were trying to prove we were right about something.  To give you an idea of how silly and pointless these debates were, here is one of the scenarios: We were leaving church and my husband was holding our son.  I put the car seat down so that he could put the baby in and we could get going.  One of the blankets we use to cover him in the seat and keep the wind out was down in the seat, so I moved it.  My husband asks me, "Why did you move the blanket? Now you have to put it on the seat all over again when it was already there." Me: "No, it wasn't where it was supposed to be, if I hadn't moved it, he would be sitting on it, and then we would have to pull it out from under neath him." Husband: "No it was on top where is was supposed to be." And so on, and so on this silly debate went for about 3 minutes.  On the way out my step-daughter asks "What in the world are you guys arguing about?" What indeed.

Again, this was only 1 of about 5 of these types of conversations that occurred.  I know that my husband and I are not the only ones guilty of these petty discussions(are we?), and the need to prove we are right.  So when I read about letting go of the need to defend your position, I thought, wow, how empowering.  I can think I'm right in my head, and not have to waste time, energy, and brain power defending why I think I'm right.  Sounds simple, huh? I already know this is much easier said than done, but I feel it's worthwhile enough to try.  How much better to spend my time saying important, helpful, and loving words than defending nonsense.

I kind equate this to the old "Pick your battles" advice.  I say this because if it is an important issue, one that I really feel necessary to voice my opinion and hash out, then I'm going to do that.  Where the blanket actually was this morning was not one of these situations.  So I hope that any of you reading this will take some time and examine your own need to be right, and that you may also start trying to let go of that need.  Good luck!

The 48 cards:

http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-48-Card-Deck/dp/1561708771/ref=pd_sim_b_17

The book:

http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319