COMPARISONS

I think as a human, it is innate for us to compare ourselves with others. Sometimes, this can be healthy and motivating (ie, if I want a tight butt like hers, I probably should forgo this chocolate fudge cake and take a run). Other times it can be unhealthy, and cause us to feel negatively about ourselves. This in turn can lead to more serious problems like anxiety and depression.



Being a parent we enter into a whole new realm of comparisons however. I find this especially true being a new parent. My friend “Sally’s” daughter is the same age as my son and sleeps a solid 8-9 hours without waking. My co-worker “Michelle” can pump 3 times the amount I do at each pumping. My friend “Denise’s” husband gets up at night and changes the baby’s diaper while she gets relaxed/ready to nurse the baby. My cousin “Brenda” had her daughter vaccinated using the standard schedule and had no problems. And on, and on, and on my brain goes. The end result of all these comparisons is this: I end up making problems where there aren’t any.


Speaking honestly, I would love it if my son did in fact sleep through the night and I got an uninterrupted night’s sleep. But just because I don’t, and he gets hungry more often and wants to eat(who can blame him, so do I), doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with him, or me. My son is very healthy, and an extremely happy and entertaining child. My cousin Kara (and yes, that’s actually her name, so no “ “) gave me some of the best advice when I was pregnant when she reminded me not to compare my son with other children, or to the way other parents do things. How could I forget such great advice? I’m not sure, but I did, and still do. Every time I talk to someone about their child! Like I said, I think comparing is natural-initially. However, it can become a bad, bad habit. It is appropriate to make sure my son is hitting developmental milestones and is physically healthy, just as getting other parents perspective on the way they do things can be helpful (read this book, try this trick).


If we get stuck in comparison mode, then we again make problems where there probably aren’t any. We wind up giving ourselves undue stress and worry, and we lose sight of the greatness in our own lives. SO, I remind myself that my husband is a wonderful father and husband for many reasons, even if he does get to sleep while I am awake (I won’t breast feed forever). I keep in mind that my son used to wake up every one and a half to two hours, so we’ve made a lot of progress going 3-5 hours. I keep in mind that I am pumping enough milk to keep my son growing and happy, and I might not get time away as frequently as I would like. Parenting requires sacrifice, and I knew that going in.


So creating balance is key. Finding the positives is necessary. Focusing on what is going right, instead of what COULD go wrong is essential. And being grateful that we, just like our child, are unique and precious individuals. Thank God for that! How boring would this place be if we were all alike?


I wanted to write about this because I know we are all guilty of this comparison trap, parent or not. Let’s not lose perspective of how great we are. Sure, so-and-so is fit, firm, only buys/eats/cooks organic, has a fantastic job, a fancy house, her kid never cries, yada yada yada (if you know/find this woman, please connect me with her so I can inquire about her many secrets). That doesn’t make her better than me, or you. Can’t we all be fabulous in our own ways? The answer is yes. So remind
yourself right now about some of those things that make YOU wonderful. 


Remember, “Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown