BEING MINDFUL

As part of my job, I facilitate a type of therapy called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy).  Part of doing this therapy requires that I participate in a consultation team/group with other therapists that areeither currently facilitating DBT, or being a support person who at some point will do so.  This group is where we practice the skills that we are teaching clients, get support from one another about our own struggles and ways to manage them, find ways to improve and expand our program, etc.  A big part of DBT, and something the team practices regularly when we meet each week is something called mindfulness.  In short, mindfulness can be described as paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.  


I can say from experience, it is a very difficult skill to use, however it is so helpful and enlightening.  Some people might wonder why it is useful, or think it to be silly and simplistic.  In our fast paced world we are so focused on multi-tasking and thinking a million and one crazy thoughts all at the same time, that we are rarely EVER fully present in what we are doing in the here and now.  Sometimes when I'm driving or cleaning it really dawns on me how easy it is to be set on auto-pilot and going about the task at hand, but my mind is somewhere else completely.  Kind of scary when I realize it's happened while driving and I can't recall going through a town; not that big of a deal if I'm unsure if I did or didn't mop half the kitchen floor.   


But how sad is it that we do this when we are participating in the GOOD and the (supposed to be) pleasurable stuff in life? So instead of soaking up and really appreciating the amazing beach views on our vacation, we are already worried about everything we have to do when we get home.  Are you guilty? I have been too, a lot.  Have you ever noticed how amazing food tastes when you really focus on each bite, noticing the different ingredients, textures, smells (for those of you who can),etc? We did an exercise in team where we put a Hershey's kiss in our mouths and had to let it melt and just notice and be mindful of everything about that little piece of chocolate.  Under normal circumstances, if given a Hershey's kiss, most of us would have tossed it in our mouth and barely even noticed it, then reached for another one (or 5).  I have to say, it was the best Hershey's kiss I ever ate.  Imagine applying this on a bigger scale to the important things in life.  


I remember when my husband and I were dating and we took (an amazing, yet crazy) trip to Ireland with a group of about 20 friends.  While it was a great time, I was often so distracted by the many happenings amongst us all, that I wasn't fully able to take in all that amazing beauty.  I remember going to the Cliffs of Moher, but I was so focused on how cold my feet were and so worried that we would somehow fall off the edge, that it's now difficult for me to recall the complete majesty that surrounded me that day.  And I don't have the friends to blame for distracting me, because it was just my husband and I there.  Sadly, I know the pictures I took don't even come close to doing it justice.  I intend to go back someday and really soak up those cliffs, as well as everything else in Ireland.


I'm really trying to put mindfulness into practice with the people in my life.  Especially my son.  I hear so many people saying "Enjoy it now, they grow up so fast," and "He won't be a baby for long." How true this is.  I don't want to look back on his first few years of life, of any of them for that matter, and disappointedly realize that I was so busy and distracted by life's mundane tasks and hassles that I didn't take in and truly enjoy every second of his preciousness that I could.  I'm also trying to be better at this with my husband.  When he is out of town it is difficult for us to find time that we can have more than a 5 minute conversation on the phone at one time.  I often find myself typing an email or filing something (ok, or catching up on DVR'd Jersey Shore), while talking to him.  That's not fair to him.  He deserves my full attention.  His words matter and I should be mindful of taking them in and showing him love and concern by being fully in the moment and conversation with him.  I'll try harder, and do better.  It's a great place to start.  


We can all improve our ability to be mindful.  All it really takes is practice.  To start practicing you can google mindfulness and you'll discover a ton of exercises and ways to practice this.  I've been surprised by how much more aware of doing it/not doing it I have become.  When I remind myself to be mindful and in the moment, I seem to get more out of whatever it is I'm doing, and enjoy it more.  I think you will too.  


On a side note, you may find a lot of references to Buddhism or other such religions pertaining to mindfulness.  This may concern or bother some Christians.  Practicing mindfulness does not mean you are somehow being sacrileges.  Prayer and meditation are forms of mindfulness, so please do not get caught up in where the term originated.  


“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are

 attentive, you will see it. ” 

― Thich Nhat Hanh