It's weird how I can be in a space to want to write something, yet feel like I have no ideas or anything to say. This is one of those moments. So I'm typing and hoping some brilliant idea will come blasting out of my fingers and onto this screen....and NOW......ok.....NOW.....still nothing. I usually try to write about what's on my heart; what feels heavy, or stressful, or concerning.
What if, at present, I wasn't feeling super stressed, or bothered, or worried? Would that be wrong? Bad? Unheard of? In today's world as a parent, a friend, a contributing member of society, etc., is it ok to actually be and feel.....dare I say it....happy? It seems like there are so many things wrong everywhere, that it almost puts me in a place of self guilt to acknowledge that maybe I'm doing ok right now. Is everything perfect? Uh, hek no. Is money tight? Always. House clean? Hah! I have a pile of dishes in the sink that need to be put in the dishwasher (which is full of clean dishes to be put away), there's a leak in the sink, which is why all those dishes were pulled out from under the sink and now IN said sink. There's laundry to be done, therapy notes to be completed, bills to get paid, and on and ON (thank God my sweet husband has the precious children in bed or I would not be able to even think a real thought, let alone type anything). Right now, though, none of thosebe above tasks seem to feel imminent. What perhaps feels more important is recognizing how many great people and things there are in my life.
"Life's too blessed to be stressed." I'm not sure who said that, but even right now, I'd kind of like to smack him or her just a little. I get it and it's exactly what I'm writing about right now. There will always be tasks, and chores, and rough spots, and bad days, and disagreements. It's life unfortunately. Many of us are also fortunate enough to have everything we really need to survive (especially if you're reading this right now), and more so, most of us have more than we need, and a lot of what we want! That's good!!!!
I've always loved HGTV and a show on there called House Hunters. It drives my husband and parents crazy every (very occasional) time they catch me watching it. I like seeing what different houses look like, get over it! Now, HGTV has came up with the show Tiny House Hunters, which I find even more interesting. On the trailer/preview for the show one of the couples looking for a tiny house makes the remark, 'we would rather spend our money on experiencing places and people, than on a big expensive house' (or something like that). It kind of hit me how amazing that is. I'm not saying we shouldn't have big or cool or fancy houses, everyone is entitled to living in and how the way they choose. But the idea about focusing more on life's experiences and the people in it, is what really rang true to me. Sometimes we spend so much energy and effort keeping up with the Jones' (or Kardashian's), that we lose sight of what really matters. We get focused on hurts, how we've been wronged or mistreated, the mistakes people have made. We forget that we are all human and screw up; often. The good, the happy, and even the ok get pushed aside.
As always, I struggle with when I've said enough, or if I need to beat a dead horse and provide 500 examples of the point I'm trying to make. I'm going to hope and believe that if you've somehow stumbled upon reading this, that: YOU GET IT. Yay you! Up top! Gold star! So, I just want to challenge you to find someone or something in your life that is good, or positive, or helps you feel happy. Be grateful! Focus on those good people and things. Thank them for liking or loving you, even when you are whiney or hurtful or a Debbie Downer. Go be happy, and know, you don't have to feel bad about it.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Filling buckets
I often have such big gaps of time between blog posts, that I forget how to access the page where I can make said posts. My biggest fear in writing is that what is on my heart and mind is not profound enough to touch or reach anyone. Then I remind myself that I didn't start this blogging business for anyone but me. However, I've got a pretty good feeling about this post. I guess consider this a friendly warning: If you don't find this one at least a little profound....well, you just should.
My oldest son, who is 3 1/2 has been more into books lately. He loves all the books in his and little brother's collection, but of course he gets bored hearing the same stories over and over. Recently, we have discovered that there are 3 Little Free Libraries within reasonable stroller pushing/ walking distance. If you are unfamiliar with what a 'Little Free Library' is please google it. It's such a wonderful resource for kids and adults alike.
So yesterday both my sons and I went on a walk and visited a couple of the libraries and picked out 2 books. We didn't get time to read either until this evening. One was a little pamphlet type book about Amphibians. It was, meh. Now the other book, that book was fanfreakingtastic! And also the inspiration of this post. The name of the book is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It is 31 brief and colorful pages of awesomeness.
To give you the gist of the story, it's basically this: Everyone, everywhere, everyday carries around an invisible bucket. Our buckets have the sole purpose of holding our good thoughts and feelings about ourselves. When our bucket is full, we feel good; with an empty bucket we feel bad/sad. Other people are necessary to empty and fill our buckets. Love, kindness, nurturing, care, and concern all fill up our buckets. But actions such as making fun of, ignoring, bullying and other mean behaviors (like judging) dip into others' buckets. Also, when we fill someone's bucket, we fill our own. BUT, we never fill our own bucket when we dip into someone else's bucket.
After reading this book to my sons, I was very excited, and so were they! The oldest, I think, because he mostly understood this whole bucket concept. (He proved this to me at dinnertime by eating part of my food and then acknowledging this made me sad and he had "skipped" out of my bucket. It's pretty darn close. Yup, my kid is an emotional genius. Insert winky face Emoji here.) My younger son seemed excited because he can consistently put his rear in the air and his head on the floor without falling over. He's only 14 months, so I'll give him a pass. I was excited because of what a great and simple analogy this is! I felt a little stupid thinking that, being a mental health therapist and all, I'd never heard about building other's up or tearing them down put in such an understandable little package.
I started to think about the clients I work with, who are primarily couples in marriage counseling, working on improving or saving their marriages. It dawned on me that many of these couples (many times no different than myself, my friends, or anyone else) spend a significant amount of time dipping out of their partner's buckets. Often for reasons that feel very valid and justifiable. During sessions we tend to focus on areas such as communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, roles, parenting, etc. I realize now, while focusing on the bigger issues and goals, that I might inadvertently gloss over or miss the simple and small stuff that needs to be said or addressed. Like: JUST BUILD EACH OTHER UP! Fill each other's bucket! (Among other things. I don't want to portray that this is the only thing necessary to make relationships healthy and happy. It takes a whole lotta stuff. Like hard work. And effort. And time. And energy. I Hope you get this point).
In the marriage seminar I recently taught I closed each of the 4 classes by highlighting how showing your partner kindness and gratitude can go a very long way to help keep and/or make your relationship healthy and make each person happier. Today I found a profound way to illustrate that. Two thumbs up for the Little Free Library. Happy bucket filling!!!
My oldest son, who is 3 1/2 has been more into books lately. He loves all the books in his and little brother's collection, but of course he gets bored hearing the same stories over and over. Recently, we have discovered that there are 3 Little Free Libraries within reasonable stroller pushing/ walking distance. If you are unfamiliar with what a 'Little Free Library' is please google it. It's such a wonderful resource for kids and adults alike.
So yesterday both my sons and I went on a walk and visited a couple of the libraries and picked out 2 books. We didn't get time to read either until this evening. One was a little pamphlet type book about Amphibians. It was, meh. Now the other book, that book was fanfreakingtastic! And also the inspiration of this post. The name of the book is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It is 31 brief and colorful pages of awesomeness.
To give you the gist of the story, it's basically this: Everyone, everywhere, everyday carries around an invisible bucket. Our buckets have the sole purpose of holding our good thoughts and feelings about ourselves. When our bucket is full, we feel good; with an empty bucket we feel bad/sad. Other people are necessary to empty and fill our buckets. Love, kindness, nurturing, care, and concern all fill up our buckets. But actions such as making fun of, ignoring, bullying and other mean behaviors (like judging) dip into others' buckets. Also, when we fill someone's bucket, we fill our own. BUT, we never fill our own bucket when we dip into someone else's bucket.
After reading this book to my sons, I was very excited, and so were they! The oldest, I think, because he mostly understood this whole bucket concept. (He proved this to me at dinnertime by eating part of my food and then acknowledging this made me sad and he had "skipped" out of my bucket. It's pretty darn close. Yup, my kid is an emotional genius. Insert winky face Emoji here.) My younger son seemed excited because he can consistently put his rear in the air and his head on the floor without falling over. He's only 14 months, so I'll give him a pass. I was excited because of what a great and simple analogy this is! I felt a little stupid thinking that, being a mental health therapist and all, I'd never heard about building other's up or tearing them down put in such an understandable little package.
I started to think about the clients I work with, who are primarily couples in marriage counseling, working on improving or saving their marriages. It dawned on me that many of these couples (many times no different than myself, my friends, or anyone else) spend a significant amount of time dipping out of their partner's buckets. Often for reasons that feel very valid and justifiable. During sessions we tend to focus on areas such as communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, roles, parenting, etc. I realize now, while focusing on the bigger issues and goals, that I might inadvertently gloss over or miss the simple and small stuff that needs to be said or addressed. Like: JUST BUILD EACH OTHER UP! Fill each other's bucket! (Among other things. I don't want to portray that this is the only thing necessary to make relationships healthy and happy. It takes a whole lotta stuff. Like hard work. And effort. And time. And energy. I Hope you get this point).
In the marriage seminar I recently taught I closed each of the 4 classes by highlighting how showing your partner kindness and gratitude can go a very long way to help keep and/or make your relationship healthy and make each person happier. Today I found a profound way to illustrate that. Two thumbs up for the Little Free Library. Happy bucket filling!!!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
vulnerability
Being vulnerable is hard. Really. Super. Hard. This probably isn't news to anyone, but I'm going to write about it anyway. It's not something I've ever been very good at, at least not until the past few years. I'll chalk that up to true love and a lot of learning about what it really takes to make any relationship...well...real and ongoing.
I just finished teaching a 4 part marriage class. One week the topic was intimacy. While preparing for the class, I was really reminded, as in smacked hard in the face reminded, about what it really takes to have true intimacy with your partner. It's vulnerability. Being vulnerable is hard. Did I say that already? Yup. But I want YOU to get that I GET IT. It doesn't matter if it's with the person you feel the closest bond with, it's still hard. Opening yourself up, saying, "Here I am, open and ready to give and receive love knowing full well you might (and surely being human, at some point will) hurt me," is super scary. But I know I don't do it enough. I have tended to hang on to hurts. I have used them like a shield to deflect ongoing efforts that my husband might make to try to connect with me. This only ends up hurting us both, and decreasing the intimacy in our relationship. I know why I have done this-to protect myself; to stay safe. If I don't open myself up, then I don't get hurt, right? Maybe. However, along with that comes a whole lot of good stuff I'm missing out on. Like the deep love and connection that comes with healing, and forgiveness, and being imperfect and human.
So knowledge is power. And there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. Every person, as part of many of the couples I have talked with personally, who have had longevity, happiness, and a deep loving connection in their marriage, all seem to have some things in common (sorry, that was a lot of commas, and probably not grammatically correct. Hang with me). These people all seem to know how to forgive, heal, let go, and continue to be open to love and hurt again.
It sounds so backwards. Or at least backwards to me. Allow myself to get hurt? Uh, no thanks! I'll just play some good offense and do my best to never do any of that hurting stuff! Puuuh-lease! Yeah, I'm human too. And I mess up plenty. I'm so thankful that my husband gives me so much grace and forgiveness and is awesome about forgetting and really letting it go. Please don't mistake what I'm saying in all this. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held accountable for their hurts-they should. People should also do their best to apologize, make amends, and repair the relationship when a hurt occurs. Likewise if negative patterns or habits are occurring, then this needs to be addressed and dealt with. What I'm really getting at though, is the fact that we sign up willingly to be with this imperfect and wonderful person. The only true way to stay the most connected with them, is by allowing ourselves to experience everything that that commitment entails. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the super ridiculous wow you really screwed up, ugly.
I'm still a work in progress myself. What I'm learning though, is that life truly is too short to be focusing on what is wrong, bad, or hurtful. Too much time and energy get spent on our wrongs. We need to be focusing on the good stuff. The good stuff that really and truly matters. That's what keeps us going day in and day out, after all. So let's be mindful. Let's be today focused. What has your person done for you lately that was awesome? Put your energy and heart into focusing on that! More importantly, what have YOU done for your person? Love, share, give. Be open. Go out on that limb and BE VULNERABLE. I know that it will only enhance your love and your bond.
I love quotes, and I think this one from Dr. Brene Brown sums it up well: "Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment's notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow-that's vulnerability."
Love and be loved.
So knowledge is power. And there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. Every person, as part of many of the couples I have talked with personally, who have had longevity, happiness, and a deep loving connection in their marriage, all seem to have some things in common (sorry, that was a lot of commas, and probably not grammatically correct. Hang with me). These people all seem to know how to forgive, heal, let go, and continue to be open to love and hurt again.
It sounds so backwards. Or at least backwards to me. Allow myself to get hurt? Uh, no thanks! I'll just play some good offense and do my best to never do any of that hurting stuff! Puuuh-lease! Yeah, I'm human too. And I mess up plenty. I'm so thankful that my husband gives me so much grace and forgiveness and is awesome about forgetting and really letting it go. Please don't mistake what I'm saying in all this. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held accountable for their hurts-they should. People should also do their best to apologize, make amends, and repair the relationship when a hurt occurs. Likewise if negative patterns or habits are occurring, then this needs to be addressed and dealt with. What I'm really getting at though, is the fact that we sign up willingly to be with this imperfect and wonderful person. The only true way to stay the most connected with them, is by allowing ourselves to experience everything that that commitment entails. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the super ridiculous wow you really screwed up, ugly.
I'm still a work in progress myself. What I'm learning though, is that life truly is too short to be focusing on what is wrong, bad, or hurtful. Too much time and energy get spent on our wrongs. We need to be focusing on the good stuff. The good stuff that really and truly matters. That's what keeps us going day in and day out, after all. So let's be mindful. Let's be today focused. What has your person done for you lately that was awesome? Put your energy and heart into focusing on that! More importantly, what have YOU done for your person? Love, share, give. Be open. Go out on that limb and BE VULNERABLE. I know that it will only enhance your love and your bond.
I love quotes, and I think this one from Dr. Brene Brown sums it up well: "Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment's notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow-that's vulnerability."
Love and be loved.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Keep going Momma!
So yeah, I haven't blogged in quite some time. Acknowledged. Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business.
Let me start by saying that this post is focused on breast feeding. I like to put disclaimers out there for anyone not wanting to waste time reading information they don't want to read (you're welcome). Also any friends, like Matthew Miller (yes Matthew, you got a shout out), who are super supportive of all my husband and I do, might need to know when to stop reading.
I also feel like I need to address all mommas out there in general who might still be reading but not breast feeding, or didn't in the past. I in no way, shape, or form believe that breast feeding is the only way. It's one way, and it's certainly my way. But I know that there are many, many mommas who have either chosen not to, or not been able to nurse their little one. Although it is extremely rare for a mother to not be able to nurse her child for medical reasons. (Have you seen the youtube video with the mother who cares for and breast feeds her baby and she has NO arms!!! Amazing!!!) Regardless please know, there is no judgement here. As far as any parenting choice, I truly feel every parent does what is best for him/her and their child. That I support. I am VERY opinionated and passionate about what I think, feel, and believe; I will never deny that. But what I think, feel, and do, doesn't translate into what everyone else thinks, feels, and does. So again, please feel confident and guilt free about what works for you! Ok, so disclaimers out of the way, here's how it went for me.
My first breast feeding experience, with my oldest child, Cash, was easy. I feel bitchy and weird saying it, but it was. Even though my birth plan strayed far, far from what I had in mind. I had an epidural, 11 hours of labor, an hour of pushing, and was very reluctantly put under anesthesia for an urgent C-section. In the recovery room, that kid latched on and it was history in the making for the next 11 months. With my second, Colt, it was a scheduled C-section to avoid problems incurred with Cash. I feel like talking too much about his birth will distract from the focus of this post, so I will (hopefully) talk in another post about his birth story. Just know that I was not able to be with my new baby until at least 7 hours after he was born. And the only thing I could think about the whole time was: they will give him a bottle and formula, they are going to mess up my breast feeding plan, he won't want to nurse, I won't be able to feed him the way that is natural, it's all ruined!!
I spent my 7 hours in agony awaiting my newborn, pumping every second I could, barely producing anything. And when he got to our room, I tried to nurse him, and he latched! I thought all was golden. He continued to nurse, but did not seem full, and the nursing staff (strongly) encouraged supplemental formula. I cringed at the idea, I thought I might pass out and was angry at their advice. But after Colt's 7 hours in the NICU all I wanted was for him to be happy and healthy. So I nursed him frequently, and afterwards I would hold him and my husband and I would use a syringe to give him a few cc's of formula. We tried cup feeding him at first, but that was very messy. I highly recommend syringe feeding over cup feeding, if you are put in a similar situation, especially if you are pumping and feeding. We all know that breast milk is like gold and we don't want to waste even a precious drop!
We continued to supplement a little formula after each feeding for the first 24 hours despite every feeling I had in me. I was so worried he would want the formula instead of me. Turns out he didn't. Deep down I knew it, but I still worried, because that's what we naturally do as parents. Nursing went well in the hospital, and now I can't really even remember when my milk supply actually "came in." I do know however, that in that first week at home, based on the size of my ginormous boobs, that there was plenty in there. I'll talk more about that in a bit.
I really want to convey that I completely get why many mommas give up on breast feeding. Colt and I fought a lot of battles in our first 2-3 months. And I thought of giving up the breast feeding thing more times than I care to think about or admit. The first problem, reflux, I was more familiar with and recognized, since Cash had it. I seriously think all babies probably have reflux to a certain degree; how can they not when the little flap on their esophagus doesn't close well until months after they are born? Colt would be nursing fine, then he would pull off the breast, SCREAM as if he were in pain (cause he was, with all that milk coming back up), and arch his back. At his 2 week appointment the doctor agreed it was likely reflux and wrote the prescription for Zantac, which I had no qualms about since it worked well for Cash. Colt started on the medication but things didn't seem to improve right away. I learned from a friend whose baby also had reflux, that Zantac doesn't really start working until after a week, so I was probably waiting to see results I didn't even know would take a bit to happen. Thanks doc for that bit of info. I'm still not sure if the Zantac really helps, but I don't dare skip a dose just in case. He will go off of it soon, just like his brother did. At least for the most part, he had been nursing fairly well, most of the time.....until......
Around weeks 3-4, suddenly, every feeding became a battle. I have always nursed 'on demand' and am familiar with the early signs of my baby being hungry; hands to mouth, rooting, smacking lips, etc. He definitely seemed hungry and wanted to nurse. But every time I went to nurse him he would latch, suck for a while, then pull off and get very upset. It seemed different from the reflux, as he wasn't arching his back and he would keep trying to nurse, pull off, nurse and pull off, over and over. He would also at times cough and sputter like he was getting choked up. As my first step to address the problem, I talked to one of my good friends who was a breast feeding champ and has been a part of the La Leche League. She immediately thought it sounded like an oversupply/forceful let down issue and sent me some articles (along with a lot of encouragement and humor). All the symptoms fit. I also consulted with a lactation consultant at my hospital who agreed that it sounded like over supply and forceful let down.
For anyone who doesn't know what oversupply or forceful let down is, it's something like this: baby only needs a certain amount of milk to satisfy and sustain him. I began pumping around week 4 to build up my breast milk stash. Every time I would pump, I was making extra milk. When there is too much milk, it creates a heavy let down. That is kind of like if you or I go to take a drink out of a garden hose on full blast; we are going to get a whole lotta water coming at us way too fast that we can't drink, and we will probably get choked up. In essence, the poor little guy was getting way too much milk coming at him way faster than he could drink it.
So, first thing I did was to start nursing him in other positions to help the flow of the milk, so that the milk wouldn't be coming at him so quickly. This was also something recommended for reflux, so I guess I was already trying to nurse him upright, which can be a bit awkward. One of the articles I read suggested a reclined position as well as nursing lying down with him on top. I used a combination of all of these. The other major change was that I started nursing him on just one side each feeding. If he didn't nurse very long or fell asleep then I would offer that breast at the next feeding, which is called block feeding. I had no idea that we moms generally have plenty of milk for our babies in just one breast. Good to know. I was worried he wouldn't be getting enough, but he had been getting MORE than enough. I did this for several days and by the end of the second day I could tell a big difference in how full my breasts felt. It was so much more comfortable. I would also hand express a little milk before I fed him each time so that the forceful let down wouldn't bother him, or at other times to not be so uncomfortable if my breasts were feeling too full.
Within a few days, things were much better, but not great. It wasn't a battle at every feeding. Some days were good feeding days, and some days sucked. Haha, isn't that just life anyway? I really had to be realistic about my expectations, and that this child was different than my first, as well as realize that he was still adjusting to this big new world outside the womb. Despite my supply seeming more in balance to his needs, he still got pissed at times. But at that point, a little better was much needed. I also backed off and didn't pump at all for a week. Pumping makes more milk, and it was the opposite of what the goal was. Slowly, things did get better. For some silly reason though, I later thought I needed to go back to feeding him on both sides. Big mistake. Same problem occurred all over again. So lesson learned and I went back to the block nursing. Now, at almost every feeding, he only nurses from one breast. Just occasionally will he nurse from both. So that problem, finally got solved fully, around two and a half months.
However, in between the two oversupply issues, I did encounter another problem. The dreaded clogged duct. Wowza, was that painful. It happened right after the 4th of July. My husband had been out of town, my family got together and everyone wanted to hold the baby (that was a screaming baby night) and I came down with a horrible cold/sinus infection. The stress, plus illness I believe is what led to the clogged duct. Although I have also read that going long periods without nursing/pumping, as well as nursing lying down can contribute as well. (I still often nurse lying down and haven't had anymore clogged ducts, but I make sure to wake up and pump at night when he sleeps his long stretch). The number one best thing for a clogged duct: rest and frequent nursing. Which is totally not doable for a mom with a newborn and toddler. Unless she has a super great support system, which I'm blessed to have in my husband. During the day my oldest got the treat of playing lots of Ipad games and watching cartoons in bed when I nursed Colt. Daddy took the boys in the evenings so that I could get some more rest. I also made sure to apply the heating pad as often as possible and to massage the area in a hot shower when I could. I was so anxious that the clogged duct was going to turn into Mastitis, which is an infected clogged duct, and from what I hear, incredibly painful. I think since I noticed it right away and was on top of treating it, I was able to get rid of it in a day or so, thank God. I've heard that applying cabbage can also help, but I don't recommend that, as it can decrease and possibly even dry up your milk supply. When this issue occurred, I more than ever wanted to give up nursing. It hurt. Bad. Really bad. But I pushed past it, and kept going.
Now, here we are, 4 months after my little (big) one was born, and we are doing great in our breast feeding relationship. He nurses like a champ. We get to enjoy that serenity and peacefulness that I think is intended. And he is surely healthy, weighing in at about 18 pounds. I'm so glad, that despite the hurdles, that I stuck with it. I know that it is what's best for him, and I get a lot of great benefits out of the deal too. I think most important in my breast feeding journey has been having support. I would recommend to anyone considering breast feeding, or if you are trying and encounter problems, get support. I personally think that other moms who have experience are your best bet. They've been through it, and are easily accessible, and you likely feel most comfortable with them. Also reach out to the lactation consultants through your hospital, they know their stuff, and in my experience don't mind being bothered often. Groups like your local La Leche League or MOPS are also great supports. Of course your doctor and pediatrician are also helpful resources, but often times don't have as much knowledge and experience as you would think they might or should have when it comes to this. There are also many, many great online resources. Here are a couple links to my favorite sites:
Kellymom:
http://kellymom.com/
La Leche League
http://www.llli.org/
Lastly, don't give up. Breast feeding is how we mommas were naturally designed to nourish our babies. Even if you encounter problems, chances are they can be resolved. So keep going momma, you are awesome, and you can do it!
Let me start by saying that this post is focused on breast feeding. I like to put disclaimers out there for anyone not wanting to waste time reading information they don't want to read (you're welcome). Also any friends, like Matthew Miller (yes Matthew, you got a shout out), who are super supportive of all my husband and I do, might need to know when to stop reading.
I also feel like I need to address all mommas out there in general who might still be reading but not breast feeding, or didn't in the past. I in no way, shape, or form believe that breast feeding is the only way. It's one way, and it's certainly my way. But I know that there are many, many mommas who have either chosen not to, or not been able to nurse their little one. Although it is extremely rare for a mother to not be able to nurse her child for medical reasons. (Have you seen the youtube video with the mother who cares for and breast feeds her baby and she has NO arms!!! Amazing!!!) Regardless please know, there is no judgement here. As far as any parenting choice, I truly feel every parent does what is best for him/her and their child. That I support. I am VERY opinionated and passionate about what I think, feel, and believe; I will never deny that. But what I think, feel, and do, doesn't translate into what everyone else thinks, feels, and does. So again, please feel confident and guilt free about what works for you! Ok, so disclaimers out of the way, here's how it went for me.
My first breast feeding experience, with my oldest child, Cash, was easy. I feel bitchy and weird saying it, but it was. Even though my birth plan strayed far, far from what I had in mind. I had an epidural, 11 hours of labor, an hour of pushing, and was very reluctantly put under anesthesia for an urgent C-section. In the recovery room, that kid latched on and it was history in the making for the next 11 months. With my second, Colt, it was a scheduled C-section to avoid problems incurred with Cash. I feel like talking too much about his birth will distract from the focus of this post, so I will (hopefully) talk in another post about his birth story. Just know that I was not able to be with my new baby until at least 7 hours after he was born. And the only thing I could think about the whole time was: they will give him a bottle and formula, they are going to mess up my breast feeding plan, he won't want to nurse, I won't be able to feed him the way that is natural, it's all ruined!!
I spent my 7 hours in agony awaiting my newborn, pumping every second I could, barely producing anything. And when he got to our room, I tried to nurse him, and he latched! I thought all was golden. He continued to nurse, but did not seem full, and the nursing staff (strongly) encouraged supplemental formula. I cringed at the idea, I thought I might pass out and was angry at their advice. But after Colt's 7 hours in the NICU all I wanted was for him to be happy and healthy. So I nursed him frequently, and afterwards I would hold him and my husband and I would use a syringe to give him a few cc's of formula. We tried cup feeding him at first, but that was very messy. I highly recommend syringe feeding over cup feeding, if you are put in a similar situation, especially if you are pumping and feeding. We all know that breast milk is like gold and we don't want to waste even a precious drop!
We continued to supplement a little formula after each feeding for the first 24 hours despite every feeling I had in me. I was so worried he would want the formula instead of me. Turns out he didn't. Deep down I knew it, but I still worried, because that's what we naturally do as parents. Nursing went well in the hospital, and now I can't really even remember when my milk supply actually "came in." I do know however, that in that first week at home, based on the size of my ginormous boobs, that there was plenty in there. I'll talk more about that in a bit.
I really want to convey that I completely get why many mommas give up on breast feeding. Colt and I fought a lot of battles in our first 2-3 months. And I thought of giving up the breast feeding thing more times than I care to think about or admit. The first problem, reflux, I was more familiar with and recognized, since Cash had it. I seriously think all babies probably have reflux to a certain degree; how can they not when the little flap on their esophagus doesn't close well until months after they are born? Colt would be nursing fine, then he would pull off the breast, SCREAM as if he were in pain (cause he was, with all that milk coming back up), and arch his back. At his 2 week appointment the doctor agreed it was likely reflux and wrote the prescription for Zantac, which I had no qualms about since it worked well for Cash. Colt started on the medication but things didn't seem to improve right away. I learned from a friend whose baby also had reflux, that Zantac doesn't really start working until after a week, so I was probably waiting to see results I didn't even know would take a bit to happen. Thanks doc for that bit of info. I'm still not sure if the Zantac really helps, but I don't dare skip a dose just in case. He will go off of it soon, just like his brother did. At least for the most part, he had been nursing fairly well, most of the time.....until......
Around weeks 3-4, suddenly, every feeding became a battle. I have always nursed 'on demand' and am familiar with the early signs of my baby being hungry; hands to mouth, rooting, smacking lips, etc. He definitely seemed hungry and wanted to nurse. But every time I went to nurse him he would latch, suck for a while, then pull off and get very upset. It seemed different from the reflux, as he wasn't arching his back and he would keep trying to nurse, pull off, nurse and pull off, over and over. He would also at times cough and sputter like he was getting choked up. As my first step to address the problem, I talked to one of my good friends who was a breast feeding champ and has been a part of the La Leche League. She immediately thought it sounded like an oversupply/forceful let down issue and sent me some articles (along with a lot of encouragement and humor). All the symptoms fit. I also consulted with a lactation consultant at my hospital who agreed that it sounded like over supply and forceful let down.
For anyone who doesn't know what oversupply or forceful let down is, it's something like this: baby only needs a certain amount of milk to satisfy and sustain him. I began pumping around week 4 to build up my breast milk stash. Every time I would pump, I was making extra milk. When there is too much milk, it creates a heavy let down. That is kind of like if you or I go to take a drink out of a garden hose on full blast; we are going to get a whole lotta water coming at us way too fast that we can't drink, and we will probably get choked up. In essence, the poor little guy was getting way too much milk coming at him way faster than he could drink it.
So, first thing I did was to start nursing him in other positions to help the flow of the milk, so that the milk wouldn't be coming at him so quickly. This was also something recommended for reflux, so I guess I was already trying to nurse him upright, which can be a bit awkward. One of the articles I read suggested a reclined position as well as nursing lying down with him on top. I used a combination of all of these. The other major change was that I started nursing him on just one side each feeding. If he didn't nurse very long or fell asleep then I would offer that breast at the next feeding, which is called block feeding. I had no idea that we moms generally have plenty of milk for our babies in just one breast. Good to know. I was worried he wouldn't be getting enough, but he had been getting MORE than enough. I did this for several days and by the end of the second day I could tell a big difference in how full my breasts felt. It was so much more comfortable. I would also hand express a little milk before I fed him each time so that the forceful let down wouldn't bother him, or at other times to not be so uncomfortable if my breasts were feeling too full.
Within a few days, things were much better, but not great. It wasn't a battle at every feeding. Some days were good feeding days, and some days sucked. Haha, isn't that just life anyway? I really had to be realistic about my expectations, and that this child was different than my first, as well as realize that he was still adjusting to this big new world outside the womb. Despite my supply seeming more in balance to his needs, he still got pissed at times. But at that point, a little better was much needed. I also backed off and didn't pump at all for a week. Pumping makes more milk, and it was the opposite of what the goal was. Slowly, things did get better. For some silly reason though, I later thought I needed to go back to feeding him on both sides. Big mistake. Same problem occurred all over again. So lesson learned and I went back to the block nursing. Now, at almost every feeding, he only nurses from one breast. Just occasionally will he nurse from both. So that problem, finally got solved fully, around two and a half months.
However, in between the two oversupply issues, I did encounter another problem. The dreaded clogged duct. Wowza, was that painful. It happened right after the 4th of July. My husband had been out of town, my family got together and everyone wanted to hold the baby (that was a screaming baby night) and I came down with a horrible cold/sinus infection. The stress, plus illness I believe is what led to the clogged duct. Although I have also read that going long periods without nursing/pumping, as well as nursing lying down can contribute as well. (I still often nurse lying down and haven't had anymore clogged ducts, but I make sure to wake up and pump at night when he sleeps his long stretch). The number one best thing for a clogged duct: rest and frequent nursing. Which is totally not doable for a mom with a newborn and toddler. Unless she has a super great support system, which I'm blessed to have in my husband. During the day my oldest got the treat of playing lots of Ipad games and watching cartoons in bed when I nursed Colt. Daddy took the boys in the evenings so that I could get some more rest. I also made sure to apply the heating pad as often as possible and to massage the area in a hot shower when I could. I was so anxious that the clogged duct was going to turn into Mastitis, which is an infected clogged duct, and from what I hear, incredibly painful. I think since I noticed it right away and was on top of treating it, I was able to get rid of it in a day or so, thank God. I've heard that applying cabbage can also help, but I don't recommend that, as it can decrease and possibly even dry up your milk supply. When this issue occurred, I more than ever wanted to give up nursing. It hurt. Bad. Really bad. But I pushed past it, and kept going.
Now, here we are, 4 months after my little (big) one was born, and we are doing great in our breast feeding relationship. He nurses like a champ. We get to enjoy that serenity and peacefulness that I think is intended. And he is surely healthy, weighing in at about 18 pounds. I'm so glad, that despite the hurdles, that I stuck with it. I know that it is what's best for him, and I get a lot of great benefits out of the deal too. I think most important in my breast feeding journey has been having support. I would recommend to anyone considering breast feeding, or if you are trying and encounter problems, get support. I personally think that other moms who have experience are your best bet. They've been through it, and are easily accessible, and you likely feel most comfortable with them. Also reach out to the lactation consultants through your hospital, they know their stuff, and in my experience don't mind being bothered often. Groups like your local La Leche League or MOPS are also great supports. Of course your doctor and pediatrician are also helpful resources, but often times don't have as much knowledge and experience as you would think they might or should have when it comes to this. There are also many, many great online resources. Here are a couple links to my favorite sites:
Kellymom:
http://kellymom.com/
La Leche League
http://www.llli.org/
Lastly, don't give up. Breast feeding is how we mommas were naturally designed to nourish our babies. Even if you encounter problems, chances are they can be resolved. So keep going momma, you are awesome, and you can do it!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
HOME MADE BABY FOOD
My son is 10 months old today. I've been making his baby food since he began eating solids at 5 months. It sure seems like much longer than 5 months!! While I am a huge advocate for making your baby's food, I can certainly understand why many parents would choose not to do so. I hope to present the many benefits of home made, as well as the time and aggravation involved so that maybe you can decide what's best for you and your little one, as well as how I got started in this process and have kept at it.
First of all, much like breastfeeding, making my son's baby food is something I never imagined myself doing. Much to my surprise, just like breastfeeding, I'm pretty darn good at it! But as many of my posts have pointed out, my decisions often come with reading, research, and talking to others about their experiences. This was no different. When my son was only a couple months old I began researching why I would want to go to the effort of making his food, versus just buying it at the store. And again, much like what I learned about breastfeeding, is that there are in fact SO many benefits of home made food that a child just can't get in the pre-packaged, processed, food. Not even the best intentioned organic food can come close to what is natural-and best.
Here are some reasons why home made food is best for baby:
-It is fresher and more nutritious. Packaged baby food is often months-if not years-old. It is made to last up to 3 years in the store. It is heated to such a high temperature (to kill bacteria for longer storage) when it is processed, that many of the nutrients are destroyed; especially vitamins A & B; which are extremely important to a developing baby. When you steam and puree your own fruits and veggies, you are able to retain much more of those vital nutrients. TIP: use the water you use to steam the food (from the steamer or pot), to add in making your purees.
-It is free of preservatives. Packaged baby food has to have chemicals put into it so it can sit in a jar or pouch (for up to 3 years on the store shelf) without spoiling. A good comparison is a cheeseburger at any fast food place. You can leave that thing sitting on your patio table for....a long time...and it will look just like the day you bought it. This is because of the preservatives put in it. You wouldn't feed your baby a Big Mac, would you?
-It is free of fillers and other additives. Packaged food often contains salt, butter, sugar, or starch. Either added for "taste" or to take up space. None of which have nutritional value.
-You have more options to introduce foods and rule out allergens. If you are wanting to be cautious of possible food allergies, then you have probably been told to introduce new foods one at a time, waiting at least 3-4 days before introducing a new food. With packaged foods, there aren't very many single foods; most are mixed or a combination. Also there is the possible culprit of additives or fillers. This makes it almost impossible to know what your baby might be allergic to. If you are feeding him one food, with only water added, then you can pretty much pinpoint the (food) culprit.
-It will never be recalled. I was horrified to learn that there have been documented times where baby food has been recalled by major companies. There is a lot of information out there that says this is inaccurate, were hoaxes, or nonsense, but where there is smoke.....We all know that multi-million dollar companies can easily cover up mistakes.
-It can be more cost efficient. Of course this depends on the price of the food you are using, and whether or not you produce it in bulk, and freeze or not.
-Home made tastes better (try it yourself)! It is also more likely that your baby will be open to trying new foods if he has been exposed to what REAL food tastes like from the get go.
Here are some negatives to making home made food:
-It is time consuming
-It can cost more
-It can be frustrating to do all the work involved (shop for the food, peel and cut up the food, steam the food, then puree/blend the food and portion it)
Here is how I got started and what I've learned:
-I bought the baby bullet since I was pretty clueless about the whole process. It comes with 2 blades (one for pureeing and one for milling), 2 sizes of blending bowls, 6-two ounce storage containers, 1 freezable batch tray that stores 6-two ounce portions, a food introduction guide/recipe book, and plastic spatula. I think I paid $50 for it on sale. I think it was a great place to start. However, I'm advanced enough now, (and cooking much larger portions that do not even fit in the larger blending bowl), that I no longer use the baby bullet, and just use my regular old blender. What was really great about this package was the step by step guide about introducing foods at certain ages, what foods to avoid, an idea of how much to give, and the recipes. I guess I could have hunted all this down on line, or bought a book, but this was a very concise way to take in this information. And I love the little food storage containers, they have little smiley faces on them and are just adorable. You certainly don't have to have the baby bullet, I had several people say they used the Ninja or other food processor, and it worked great. Just as did ice cube trays to freeze the food. I also recommend a steamer, with at least 2 trays. I tried the baskets you put in a large pot on the stove, and they simply don't hold very much. There are also really cool gadgets out there that you can stem and puree the food all with one machine. I haven't tried any, so I'm not sure how they work, or how much they cost.
-I started with brown rice cereal as the first food I introduced. The milling blade worked great to crush it into a powder and then I cooked that. This was much cheaper than buying the box of cereal. After that came the banana. This is a staple in my son's diet, and for a while I had to mix it with almost everything to get him to try it, then I slowly have taken it out as his openness to food has increased. Every 4-7 days (depending on our schedule and what was going on), I would introduce a new food. Once you are know there are no negative reactions to the food, then you can mix it with other safe foods that are liked.
-I did try freezing the food, and I would recommend doing this as well. This will definitely save time and energy. However, defrosting it was a pain if you need it right then, since hot water is basically the only option, and I didn't find a container, or plastic bag that kept all water out. It also seems that my son hated the texture of the food once it had been frozen. It did seem to really change the consistency once frozen- thawed, but he may just be odd like me about textures.
-As he began eating more I quickly realized I didn't have enough containers to keep the food in. I went to Target (any store that sells plastic has them) and bought the 4 oz Rubbermaid containers and these are the perfect size.
-As I have been making more food, I changed how I portioned it. I had been making one food at a time then trying to put it into the containers immediately after. This became infuriating when I came to the last 2-3 foods left to make and I realized that didn't have any more small containers. So now I make each kind, then pour into a big plastic bowl with lid and put it in the refrigerator and portion out food later as I needed it, or for the day. As a side note, I've read that most babies (my son is no different), prefer food at room temperature, so I set out his food about an hour before he usually will eat it.
-We all know fresh is ideal, and organic is best. I also try to buy local since I live in an area where there is so much locally grown fresh produce at either the farmer's markets or local-only food stores. However, some places do not always have certain things in stock. So since I make his food 2-3 times a week, I have to go shop for the food 2-3 times a week, and I go to at least 2-3 different places. This isn't necessary, and I certainly have used regular and organic produce from the grocery store. That is up to each individual.
The bottom line: Making the food yourself is time consuming, and depending on where you have to go to get it can add more time to the process. Doing all the steps (buying, peeling, cutting, steaming, blending) requires even more time! No lie, I get quite sick of it. And the more mobile my son gets, the harder it gets to keep him occupied while I attend to making it every time. There have been several times on my trips to the store that I've thought I would just break down and buy some packaged food but I haven't, and I'm so glad. I have bought some frozen food that is home made by a local company that just started up. It's still in the freezer and I should probably pitch it at this point actually, but I did buy it as back up, in case I was in a pinch. We all don't have the luxury of time, but since I work 3 days a week, I'm able to use some of my off time to make the food, and I'm so grateful for that. It really does make me feel good to know that I'm doing everything I can to make sure my son gets the most nutritional food. Even if he has spit it back out or thrown it at me a few times.
First of all, much like breastfeeding, making my son's baby food is something I never imagined myself doing. Much to my surprise, just like breastfeeding, I'm pretty darn good at it! But as many of my posts have pointed out, my decisions often come with reading, research, and talking to others about their experiences. This was no different. When my son was only a couple months old I began researching why I would want to go to the effort of making his food, versus just buying it at the store. And again, much like what I learned about breastfeeding, is that there are in fact SO many benefits of home made food that a child just can't get in the pre-packaged, processed, food. Not even the best intentioned organic food can come close to what is natural-and best.
Here are some reasons why home made food is best for baby:
-It is fresher and more nutritious. Packaged baby food is often months-if not years-old. It is made to last up to 3 years in the store. It is heated to such a high temperature (to kill bacteria for longer storage) when it is processed, that many of the nutrients are destroyed; especially vitamins A & B; which are extremely important to a developing baby. When you steam and puree your own fruits and veggies, you are able to retain much more of those vital nutrients. TIP: use the water you use to steam the food (from the steamer or pot), to add in making your purees.
-It is free of preservatives. Packaged baby food has to have chemicals put into it so it can sit in a jar or pouch (for up to 3 years on the store shelf) without spoiling. A good comparison is a cheeseburger at any fast food place. You can leave that thing sitting on your patio table for....a long time...and it will look just like the day you bought it. This is because of the preservatives put in it. You wouldn't feed your baby a Big Mac, would you?
-It is free of fillers and other additives. Packaged food often contains salt, butter, sugar, or starch. Either added for "taste" or to take up space. None of which have nutritional value.
-You have more options to introduce foods and rule out allergens. If you are wanting to be cautious of possible food allergies, then you have probably been told to introduce new foods one at a time, waiting at least 3-4 days before introducing a new food. With packaged foods, there aren't very many single foods; most are mixed or a combination. Also there is the possible culprit of additives or fillers. This makes it almost impossible to know what your baby might be allergic to. If you are feeding him one food, with only water added, then you can pretty much pinpoint the (food) culprit.
-It will never be recalled. I was horrified to learn that there have been documented times where baby food has been recalled by major companies. There is a lot of information out there that says this is inaccurate, were hoaxes, or nonsense, but where there is smoke.....We all know that multi-million dollar companies can easily cover up mistakes.
-It can be more cost efficient. Of course this depends on the price of the food you are using, and whether or not you produce it in bulk, and freeze or not.
-Home made tastes better (try it yourself)! It is also more likely that your baby will be open to trying new foods if he has been exposed to what REAL food tastes like from the get go.
Here are some negatives to making home made food:
-It is time consuming
-It can cost more
-It can be frustrating to do all the work involved (shop for the food, peel and cut up the food, steam the food, then puree/blend the food and portion it)
Here is how I got started and what I've learned:
-I bought the baby bullet since I was pretty clueless about the whole process. It comes with 2 blades (one for pureeing and one for milling), 2 sizes of blending bowls, 6-two ounce storage containers, 1 freezable batch tray that stores 6-two ounce portions, a food introduction guide/recipe book, and plastic spatula. I think I paid $50 for it on sale. I think it was a great place to start. However, I'm advanced enough now, (and cooking much larger portions that do not even fit in the larger blending bowl), that I no longer use the baby bullet, and just use my regular old blender. What was really great about this package was the step by step guide about introducing foods at certain ages, what foods to avoid, an idea of how much to give, and the recipes. I guess I could have hunted all this down on line, or bought a book, but this was a very concise way to take in this information. And I love the little food storage containers, they have little smiley faces on them and are just adorable. You certainly don't have to have the baby bullet, I had several people say they used the Ninja or other food processor, and it worked great. Just as did ice cube trays to freeze the food. I also recommend a steamer, with at least 2 trays. I tried the baskets you put in a large pot on the stove, and they simply don't hold very much. There are also really cool gadgets out there that you can stem and puree the food all with one machine. I haven't tried any, so I'm not sure how they work, or how much they cost.
-I started with brown rice cereal as the first food I introduced. The milling blade worked great to crush it into a powder and then I cooked that. This was much cheaper than buying the box of cereal. After that came the banana. This is a staple in my son's diet, and for a while I had to mix it with almost everything to get him to try it, then I slowly have taken it out as his openness to food has increased. Every 4-7 days (depending on our schedule and what was going on), I would introduce a new food. Once you are know there are no negative reactions to the food, then you can mix it with other safe foods that are liked.
-I did try freezing the food, and I would recommend doing this as well. This will definitely save time and energy. However, defrosting it was a pain if you need it right then, since hot water is basically the only option, and I didn't find a container, or plastic bag that kept all water out. It also seems that my son hated the texture of the food once it had been frozen. It did seem to really change the consistency once frozen- thawed, but he may just be odd like me about textures.
-As he began eating more I quickly realized I didn't have enough containers to keep the food in. I went to Target (any store that sells plastic has them) and bought the 4 oz Rubbermaid containers and these are the perfect size.
-As I have been making more food, I changed how I portioned it. I had been making one food at a time then trying to put it into the containers immediately after. This became infuriating when I came to the last 2-3 foods left to make and I realized that didn't have any more small containers. So now I make each kind, then pour into a big plastic bowl with lid and put it in the refrigerator and portion out food later as I needed it, or for the day. As a side note, I've read that most babies (my son is no different), prefer food at room temperature, so I set out his food about an hour before he usually will eat it.
-We all know fresh is ideal, and organic is best. I also try to buy local since I live in an area where there is so much locally grown fresh produce at either the farmer's markets or local-only food stores. However, some places do not always have certain things in stock. So since I make his food 2-3 times a week, I have to go shop for the food 2-3 times a week, and I go to at least 2-3 different places. This isn't necessary, and I certainly have used regular and organic produce from the grocery store. That is up to each individual.
The bottom line: Making the food yourself is time consuming, and depending on where you have to go to get it can add more time to the process. Doing all the steps (buying, peeling, cutting, steaming, blending) requires even more time! No lie, I get quite sick of it. And the more mobile my son gets, the harder it gets to keep him occupied while I attend to making it every time. There have been several times on my trips to the store that I've thought I would just break down and buy some packaged food but I haven't, and I'm so glad. I have bought some frozen food that is home made by a local company that just started up. It's still in the freezer and I should probably pitch it at this point actually, but I did buy it as back up, in case I was in a pinch. We all don't have the luxury of time, but since I work 3 days a week, I'm able to use some of my off time to make the food, and I'm so grateful for that. It really does make me feel good to know that I'm doing everything I can to make sure my son gets the most nutritional food. Even if he has spit it back out or thrown it at me a few times.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
MY MOM
Since it's Mother's Day, what better thing to write about, than my wonderful mother. There are people out there that love their mom, don't know their mom, hate their mom, don't have a relationship at all with their mom, and so on. I have at least one friend or client in each of these categories (a little heavier on the negative mom relationship in the client area, mind you).
I've been blessed with a fantastic mother. I hope to paint a picture of her greatness in this post, but I know ultimately, that is really impossible. There are no words that could ever describe her beauty and greatness, inside and out. But I sure will try.
First, and most importantly of all, my mom is a Godly woman. She instilled in me, the importance of having a relationship with Christ personally, and bringing up children in a Christian home. Mom is not the type of person to ever be "in your face" about her beliefs. Although I know she can quote and find scripture to witness if needed, she is instead the more quiet type to show her faith through actions and example. She treats everyone she interacts with, with kindness and respect, and general care and concern; stranger or not. My mom devotes time everyday to spending time in the word and in prayer, and this is a big inspiration to me.
Next, mom is a woman of action. She amazes me that at 63 years of age, she could run circles around most 20-somethings. Not literally running, but in DOING! Such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, cooking something; any task, you name it; She will get it done faster, and better than anyone. She rarely sits still. She gets up most days at 3:30 in the AM! On days she goes to work as the office manager of the supermarket in town, she is there at 5 am. Even with a 7 month old I'm not up that early! Many of us would come home and relax after a 9 hour day, but not my mom. She will get home and work in the yard making sure it looks pristine, clean up the house, make dinner...something that needs to get done.
Besides working part time, she also watches my son 2 days a week. On the days that she comes to my house to watch him, mom manages to do all my laundry and clean my entire house-and take care of my son!! On days when she watches him at her house, she has dinner ready for me to take back to my house for my husband and myself to enjoy. I don't know where she gets the energy, but I sure do appreciate all that she does with it!
Mom is a woman who values her family. She has always sacrificed so that her kids and grandkids could have whatever they needed or wanted. She does so selflessly, and because she truly wants us to be happy and taken care of. I think family is probably the most important aspect of mom's life, and it shows. She was always at any of my sporting events, recitals, performances, etc growing up, and she continues to get to all of her grandkids events. She loves being a part of her family's lives. She loves to socialize and spend real quality time together.
This is only the beginning of some of the wonderful qualities my mom possess. Here are some other loves/favorites/facts that make my mom wonderful and unique. My mom is an immaculate housekeeper. You could probably eat off her floor or toilet seats it's so clean! My mom loooves coffee. Bold, dark roast, black. She really likes it from Panera, but it has to be from certain Panera's in town, as it doesn't taste as good at some of the locations as it does others. Mom looves dark chocolate. She prefers Russel Stover's dark chocolate buttercreams, but cupcakes, cake, etc will sometimes due. She also loves Italian Creme cake. Who am I kidding, she loves sweets in general. I definitely get this from her! Mom loves and has a well manicured lawn (she hates weeds), with lots of beautiful flowers. Mom has quite the collection of Precious Moments. Mom was valedictorian of her high school class. She was a cheerleader and majorette in high school. She graduated from cosmetology school and hated it, so she decided not to pursue a career being a beautician. Mom loves Chanel and Eternity perfume. I wish I knew how good those must smell. Although mom does have lots of recipes in the drawer at home, I think she rarely uses them. I ask her how to make something and she can tell me everything that's in something, but has no idea of the exact measurement. Regardless, she's an amazing cook. I think her iced sugar cookies she makes at Christmastime are my favorite. Mom is a great teacher. She has taught Sunday School at church for as long as I can remember. Mom can't sing. This is an ongoing joke in our family, especially if we are in church together. I guess making a joyful noise is the point! Mom's favorite colors are purple and green. At least they were when I was growing up. I made sure to put those colors in every card I made or picture I drew. Some of my very favorite memories of being a child are mom and I sitting in a lawn chair, gazing up at the moon and singing "I see the moon." (this was before I realized she was tone deaf). Mom is a great story teller. When I was young we would sit by the fire and she would read or tell me stories. I think my favorite was the Little Red Hen. My mom has a clap that I could pick out of a line- up of 50 people with my back turned, if they were all clapping at once. It is loud and distinctive. She attributes this to being the loudest cheerleader on the squad.
I could go on and on. She really is a wonderful woman, and I have been so blessed to have her as my mother, and as a great example of what being a mom is all about. Thank you for all you do for me and my family mom. I love and appreciate you so much!
I've been blessed with a fantastic mother. I hope to paint a picture of her greatness in this post, but I know ultimately, that is really impossible. There are no words that could ever describe her beauty and greatness, inside and out. But I sure will try.
First, and most importantly of all, my mom is a Godly woman. She instilled in me, the importance of having a relationship with Christ personally, and bringing up children in a Christian home. Mom is not the type of person to ever be "in your face" about her beliefs. Although I know she can quote and find scripture to witness if needed, she is instead the more quiet type to show her faith through actions and example. She treats everyone she interacts with, with kindness and respect, and general care and concern; stranger or not. My mom devotes time everyday to spending time in the word and in prayer, and this is a big inspiration to me.
Next, mom is a woman of action. She amazes me that at 63 years of age, she could run circles around most 20-somethings. Not literally running, but in DOING! Such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, cooking something; any task, you name it; She will get it done faster, and better than anyone. She rarely sits still. She gets up most days at 3:30 in the AM! On days she goes to work as the office manager of the supermarket in town, she is there at 5 am. Even with a 7 month old I'm not up that early! Many of us would come home and relax after a 9 hour day, but not my mom. She will get home and work in the yard making sure it looks pristine, clean up the house, make dinner...something that needs to get done.
Besides working part time, she also watches my son 2 days a week. On the days that she comes to my house to watch him, mom manages to do all my laundry and clean my entire house-and take care of my son!! On days when she watches him at her house, she has dinner ready for me to take back to my house for my husband and myself to enjoy. I don't know where she gets the energy, but I sure do appreciate all that she does with it!
Mom is a woman who values her family. She has always sacrificed so that her kids and grandkids could have whatever they needed or wanted. She does so selflessly, and because she truly wants us to be happy and taken care of. I think family is probably the most important aspect of mom's life, and it shows. She was always at any of my sporting events, recitals, performances, etc growing up, and she continues to get to all of her grandkids events. She loves being a part of her family's lives. She loves to socialize and spend real quality time together.
This is only the beginning of some of the wonderful qualities my mom possess. Here are some other loves/favorites/facts that make my mom wonderful and unique. My mom is an immaculate housekeeper. You could probably eat off her floor or toilet seats it's so clean! My mom loooves coffee. Bold, dark roast, black. She really likes it from Panera, but it has to be from certain Panera's in town, as it doesn't taste as good at some of the locations as it does others. Mom looves dark chocolate. She prefers Russel Stover's dark chocolate buttercreams, but cupcakes, cake, etc will sometimes due. She also loves Italian Creme cake. Who am I kidding, she loves sweets in general. I definitely get this from her! Mom loves and has a well manicured lawn (she hates weeds), with lots of beautiful flowers. Mom has quite the collection of Precious Moments. Mom was valedictorian of her high school class. She was a cheerleader and majorette in high school. She graduated from cosmetology school and hated it, so she decided not to pursue a career being a beautician. Mom loves Chanel and Eternity perfume. I wish I knew how good those must smell. Although mom does have lots of recipes in the drawer at home, I think she rarely uses them. I ask her how to make something and she can tell me everything that's in something, but has no idea of the exact measurement. Regardless, she's an amazing cook. I think her iced sugar cookies she makes at Christmastime are my favorite. Mom is a great teacher. She has taught Sunday School at church for as long as I can remember. Mom can't sing. This is an ongoing joke in our family, especially if we are in church together. I guess making a joyful noise is the point! Mom's favorite colors are purple and green. At least they were when I was growing up. I made sure to put those colors in every card I made or picture I drew. Some of my very favorite memories of being a child are mom and I sitting in a lawn chair, gazing up at the moon and singing "I see the moon." (this was before I realized she was tone deaf). Mom is a great story teller. When I was young we would sit by the fire and she would read or tell me stories. I think my favorite was the Little Red Hen. My mom has a clap that I could pick out of a line- up of 50 people with my back turned, if they were all clapping at once. It is loud and distinctive. She attributes this to being the loudest cheerleader on the squad.
I could go on and on. She really is a wonderful woman, and I have been so blessed to have her as my mother, and as a great example of what being a mom is all about. Thank you for all you do for me and my family mom. I love and appreciate you so much!
Monday, April 23, 2012
COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINES
A couple weeks ago, during our DBT team meeting, I participated in a very enlightening exercise. We were given a coloring sheet and a box of colored pencils and 5 minutes to mindfully color our picture-with our non-dominate hand.
As I began, I approached this task much like I do everything; by going into super-planning mode. A ton of thoughts flooded my brain as I planned, such as which colors would look best and where, and how I would possibly be able to color to perfection with my left hand. I spent about 30 seconds in planning mode when a great idea struck me. I decided, "just have fun with this!" And that is what I did. I spent the next 4 1/2 minutes coloring out of control. I picked random colors and went crazy as my lefty did some amazingly sloppy color work. It wasn't pretty by any means. The colors certainly spilled over the lines. It did in fact look like a 4 year old took their best shot at it. But while engaging in this exercise I had a lot of revelations and one very clear memory.
I was back in second grade, coloring a picture of santa, in a train, for the yearly coloring competition our elementary school had. I worked so hard every year. Selecting the perfect colors, using my awesome shading method of making the borders very dark and then lightly coloring in between. Every year I thought how wonderful I did, and couldn't fathom how I couldn't win, or at least place in the top 3. Guess what? I never did. Not one year of K-6 did I place in the Christmas Coloring Contest. Despite all my planning and hard work, I never got the payoff I thought I deserved.
Part of that second grade memory that hit me during this exercise was a kid in my class. I won't mention his name, but if we went to school together, ask me, and I'll tell you who it was. He had a much different approach to coloring his picture. He colored with reckless abandon. Colors were flying and he was pressing so hard on the desk that I'm surprised he didn't color a hole through it. I was quite annoyed, as I could clearly see his sloppy and unattractive work. I could also see the smile that he had the whole time that he was coloring. It was like it was the most fun he had ever had in his entire life. Not to mention he was done in about 5 minutes and on to other more enjoyable activities, while I sat frowning and stressed, trying to perfect my masterpiece.
So during out exercise, as I flashed back to that memory, I channeled my classmate. I colored with fun in mind. And exactly that happened! I had a blast! I didn't finish my picture, and I didn't care to. I had accomplished what I set out to achieve. It was a great feeling.
This simple exercise reminded me that not everything in life has to be approached with such planning and perfection in mind. My husband also helps remind me of this, and keeps me more balanced when it comes to life in general. He is much more laid-back and the "fly by the seat of his pants and enjoy it all" kind of guy. A big reason I love him, another I want to strangle him sometimes. But I think we all need people, and reasons to simply let go, and just enjoy things at times. Whether it's a task, or work, or something intended to be fun, we need to be able to enjoy more and stress less. By no means am I saying that planning and perfectionism don't have their place, because I certainly believe they do, I also think that I can let go and just enjoy a whole lot more. After all, isn't enjoying life the point?
As I began, I approached this task much like I do everything; by going into super-planning mode. A ton of thoughts flooded my brain as I planned, such as which colors would look best and where, and how I would possibly be able to color to perfection with my left hand. I spent about 30 seconds in planning mode when a great idea struck me. I decided, "just have fun with this!" And that is what I did. I spent the next 4 1/2 minutes coloring out of control. I picked random colors and went crazy as my lefty did some amazingly sloppy color work. It wasn't pretty by any means. The colors certainly spilled over the lines. It did in fact look like a 4 year old took their best shot at it. But while engaging in this exercise I had a lot of revelations and one very clear memory.
I was back in second grade, coloring a picture of santa, in a train, for the yearly coloring competition our elementary school had. I worked so hard every year. Selecting the perfect colors, using my awesome shading method of making the borders very dark and then lightly coloring in between. Every year I thought how wonderful I did, and couldn't fathom how I couldn't win, or at least place in the top 3. Guess what? I never did. Not one year of K-6 did I place in the Christmas Coloring Contest. Despite all my planning and hard work, I never got the payoff I thought I deserved.
Part of that second grade memory that hit me during this exercise was a kid in my class. I won't mention his name, but if we went to school together, ask me, and I'll tell you who it was. He had a much different approach to coloring his picture. He colored with reckless abandon. Colors were flying and he was pressing so hard on the desk that I'm surprised he didn't color a hole through it. I was quite annoyed, as I could clearly see his sloppy and unattractive work. I could also see the smile that he had the whole time that he was coloring. It was like it was the most fun he had ever had in his entire life. Not to mention he was done in about 5 minutes and on to other more enjoyable activities, while I sat frowning and stressed, trying to perfect my masterpiece.
So during out exercise, as I flashed back to that memory, I channeled my classmate. I colored with fun in mind. And exactly that happened! I had a blast! I didn't finish my picture, and I didn't care to. I had accomplished what I set out to achieve. It was a great feeling.
This simple exercise reminded me that not everything in life has to be approached with such planning and perfection in mind. My husband also helps remind me of this, and keeps me more balanced when it comes to life in general. He is much more laid-back and the "fly by the seat of his pants and enjoy it all" kind of guy. A big reason I love him, another I want to strangle him sometimes. But I think we all need people, and reasons to simply let go, and just enjoy things at times. Whether it's a task, or work, or something intended to be fun, we need to be able to enjoy more and stress less. By no means am I saying that planning and perfectionism don't have their place, because I certainly believe they do, I also think that I can let go and just enjoy a whole lot more. After all, isn't enjoying life the point?
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