Keep going Momma!

So yeah, I haven't blogged in quite some time.  Acknowledged.  Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business.

Let me start by saying that this post is focused on breast feeding.  I like to put disclaimers out there for anyone not wanting to waste time reading information they don't want to read (you're welcome).  Also any friends, like Matthew Miller (yes Matthew, you got a shout out), who are super supportive of all my husband and I do, might need to know when to stop reading.

I also feel like I need to address all mommas out there in general who might still be reading but not breast feeding, or didn't in the past.  I in no way, shape, or form believe that breast feeding is the only way.  It's one way, and it's certainly my way.  But I know that there are many, many mommas who have either chosen not to, or not been able to nurse their little one.  Although it is extremely rare for a mother to not be able to nurse her child for medical reasons.  (Have you seen the youtube video with the mother who cares for and breast feeds her baby and she has NO arms!!! Amazing!!!)  Regardless please know, there is no judgement here.  As far as any parenting choice, I truly feel every parent does what is best for him/her and their child.  That I support.  I am VERY opinionated and passionate about what I think, feel, and believe; I will never deny that.  But what I think, feel, and do, doesn't translate into what everyone else thinks, feels, and does.  So again, please feel confident and guilt free about what works for you!  Ok, so disclaimers out of the way, here's how it went for me.

My first breast feeding experience, with my oldest child, Cash, was easy.  I feel bitchy and weird saying it, but it was. Even though my birth plan strayed far, far from what I had in mind.  I had an epidural, 11 hours of labor, an hour of pushing, and was very reluctantly put under anesthesia for an urgent C-section.  In the recovery room, that kid latched on and it was history in the making for the next 11 months.  With my second, Colt, it was a scheduled C-section to avoid problems incurred with Cash.  I feel like talking too much about his birth will distract from the focus of this post, so I will (hopefully) talk in another post about his birth story.  Just know that I was not able to be with my new baby until at least 7 hours after he was born.  And the only thing I could think about the whole time was: they will give him a bottle and formula, they are going to mess up my breast feeding plan, he won't want to nurse, I won't be able to feed him the way that is natural, it's all ruined!!

I spent my 7 hours in agony awaiting my newborn, pumping every second I could, barely producing anything.  And when he got to our room, I tried to nurse him, and he latched!  I thought all was golden.  He continued to nurse, but did not seem full, and the nursing staff (strongly) encouraged supplemental formula.  I cringed at the idea, I thought I might pass out and was angry at their advice.  But after Colt's 7 hours in the NICU all I wanted was for him to be happy and healthy.  So I nursed him frequently, and afterwards I would hold him and my husband and I would use a syringe to give him a few cc's of formula.  We tried cup feeding him at first, but that was very messy.  I highly recommend syringe feeding over cup feeding, if you are put in a similar situation, especially if you are pumping and feeding.  We all know that breast milk is like gold and we don't want to waste even a precious drop!

We continued to supplement a little formula after each feeding for the first 24 hours despite every feeling I had in me.  I was so worried he would want the formula instead of me.  Turns out he didn't. Deep down I knew it, but I still worried, because that's what we naturally do as parents.  Nursing went well in the hospital, and now I can't really even remember when my milk supply actually "came in."  I do know however, that in that first week at home, based on the size of my ginormous boobs, that there was plenty in there.  I'll talk more about that in a bit.

I really want to convey that I completely get why many mommas give up on breast feeding.  Colt and I fought a lot of battles in our first 2-3 months.  And I thought of giving up the breast feeding thing more times than I care to think about or admit.  The first problem, reflux, I was more familiar with and recognized, since Cash had it.  I seriously think all babies probably have reflux to a certain degree; how can they not when the little flap on their esophagus doesn't close well until months after they are born?  Colt would be nursing fine, then he would pull off the breast, SCREAM as if he were in pain (cause he was, with all that milk coming back up), and arch his back.  At his 2 week appointment the doctor agreed it was likely reflux and wrote the prescription for Zantac, which I had no qualms about since it worked well for Cash.  Colt started on the medication but things didn't seem to improve right away. I learned from a friend whose baby also had reflux, that Zantac doesn't really start working until after a week, so I was probably waiting to see results I didn't even know would take a bit to happen.  Thanks doc for that bit of info.  I'm still not sure if the Zantac really helps, but I don't dare skip a dose just in case.  He will go off of it soon, just like his brother did.  At least for the most part, he had been nursing fairly well, most of the time.....until......

Around weeks 3-4, suddenly, every feeding became a battle.  I have always nursed 'on demand' and am familiar with the early signs of my baby being hungry;  hands to mouth, rooting, smacking lips, etc.  He definitely seemed hungry and wanted to nurse.  But every time I went to nurse him he would latch, suck for a while, then pull off and get very upset.  It seemed different from the reflux, as he wasn't arching his back and he would keep trying to nurse, pull off, nurse and pull off, over and over.  He would also at times cough and sputter like he was getting choked up.  As my first step to address the problem, I talked to one of my good friends who was a breast feeding champ and has been a part of the La Leche League.  She immediately thought it sounded like an oversupply/forceful let down issue and sent me some articles (along with a lot of encouragement and humor).  All the symptoms fit.  I also consulted with a lactation consultant at my hospital who agreed that it sounded like over supply and forceful let down.

For anyone who doesn't know what oversupply or forceful let down is, it's something like this: baby only needs a certain amount of milk to satisfy and sustain him.  I began pumping around week 4 to build up my breast milk stash.  Every time I would pump, I was making extra milk.  When there is too much milk, it creates a heavy let down.  That is kind of like if you or I go to take a drink out of a garden hose on full blast; we are going to get a whole lotta water coming at us way too fast that we can't drink, and we will probably get choked up.  In essence, the poor little guy was getting way too much milk coming at him way faster than he could drink it.

So, first thing I did was to start nursing him in other positions to help the flow of the milk, so that the milk wouldn't be coming at him so quickly.  This was also something recommended for reflux, so I guess I was already trying to nurse him upright, which can be a bit awkward.  One of the articles I read suggested a reclined position as well as nursing lying down with him on top.  I used a combination of all of these. The other major change was that I started nursing him on just one side each feeding.  If he didn't nurse very long or fell asleep then I would offer that breast at the next feeding, which is called block feeding.  I had no idea that we moms generally have plenty of milk for our babies in just one breast.  Good to know.  I was worried he wouldn't be getting enough, but he had been getting MORE than enough.  I did this for several days and by the end of the second day I could tell a big difference in how full my breasts felt.  It was so much more comfortable.  I would also hand express a little milk before I fed him each time so that the forceful let down wouldn't bother him, or at other times to not be so uncomfortable if my breasts were feeling too full.

Within a few days, things were much better, but not great.  It wasn't a battle at every feeding.  Some days were good feeding days, and some days sucked.  Haha, isn't that just life anyway? I really had to be realistic about my expectations, and that this child was different than my first, as well as realize that he was still adjusting to this big new world outside the womb.  Despite my supply seeming more in balance to his needs, he still got pissed at times.  But at that point, a little better was much needed.  I also backed off and didn't pump at all for a week.  Pumping makes more milk, and it was the opposite of what the goal was.  Slowly, things did get better.  For some silly reason though, I later thought I needed to go back to feeding him on both sides.  Big mistake.  Same problem occurred all over again.  So lesson learned and I went back to the block nursing.  Now, at almost every feeding, he only nurses from one breast.  Just occasionally will he nurse from both.  So that problem, finally got solved fully, around two and a half months.

However, in between the two oversupply issues, I did encounter another problem.  The dreaded clogged duct.  Wowza, was that painful.  It happened right after the 4th of July.  My husband had been out of town, my family got together and everyone wanted to hold the baby (that was a screaming baby night) and I came down with a horrible cold/sinus infection.  The stress, plus illness I believe is what led to the clogged duct.  Although I have also read that going long periods without nursing/pumping, as well as nursing lying down can contribute as well.  (I still often nurse lying down and haven't had anymore clogged ducts, but I make sure to wake up and pump at night when he sleeps his long stretch).  The number one best thing for a clogged duct: rest and frequent nursing.  Which is totally not doable for a mom with a newborn and toddler.  Unless she has a super great support system, which I'm blessed to have in my husband.  During the day my oldest got the treat of playing lots of Ipad games and watching cartoons in bed when I nursed Colt.  Daddy took the boys in the evenings so that I could get some more rest.  I also made sure to apply the heating pad as often as possible and to massage the area in a hot shower when I could.  I was so anxious that the clogged duct was going to turn into Mastitis, which is an infected clogged duct, and from what I hear, incredibly painful.  I think since I noticed it right away and was on top of treating it, I was able to get rid of it in a day or so, thank God.  I've heard that applying cabbage can also help, but I don't recommend that, as it can decrease and possibly even dry up your milk supply.  When this issue occurred, I more than ever wanted to give up nursing.  It hurt.  Bad.  Really bad.  But I pushed past it, and kept going.  

Now, here we are, 4 months after my little (big) one was born, and we are doing great in our breast feeding relationship.  He nurses like a champ.  We get to enjoy that serenity and peacefulness that I think is intended.  And he is surely healthy, weighing in at about 18 pounds.  I'm so glad, that despite the hurdles, that I stuck with it.  I know that it is what's best for him, and I get a lot of great benefits out of the deal too.  I think most important in my breast feeding journey has been having support.  I would recommend to anyone considering breast feeding, or if you are trying and encounter problems, get support.  I personally think that other moms who have experience are your best bet.  They've been through it, and are easily accessible, and you likely feel most comfortable with them.  Also reach out to the lactation consultants through your hospital, they know their stuff, and in my experience don't mind being bothered often.  Groups like your local La Leche League or MOPS are also great supports.  Of course your doctor and pediatrician are also helpful resources,  but often times don't have as much knowledge and experience as you would think they might or should have when it comes to this. There are also many, many great online resources.  Here are a couple links to my favorite sites:

Kellymom:
http://kellymom.com/

La Leche League
http://www.llli.org/

Lastly, don't give up.  Breast feeding is how we mommas were naturally designed to nourish our babies.  Even if you encounter problems, chances are they can be resolved.  So keep going momma, you are awesome, and you can do it!