My son is 10 months old today. I've been making his baby food since he began eating solids at 5 months. It sure seems like much longer than 5 months!! While I am a huge advocate for making your baby's food, I can certainly understand why many parents would choose not to do so. I hope to present the many benefits of home made, as well as the time and aggravation involved so that maybe you can decide what's best for you and your little one, as well as how I got started in this process and have kept at it.
First of all, much like breastfeeding, making my son's baby food is something I never imagined myself doing. Much to my surprise, just like breastfeeding, I'm pretty darn good at it! But as many of my posts have pointed out, my decisions often come with reading, research, and talking to others about their experiences. This was no different. When my son was only a couple months old I began researching why I would want to go to the effort of making his food, versus just buying it at the store. And again, much like what I learned about breastfeeding, is that there are in fact SO many benefits of home made food that a child just can't get in the pre-packaged, processed, food. Not even the best intentioned organic food can come close to what is natural-and best.
Here are some reasons why home made food is best for baby:
-It is fresher and more nutritious. Packaged baby food is often months-if not years-old. It is made to last up to 3 years in the store. It is heated to such a high temperature (to kill bacteria for longer storage) when it is processed, that many of the nutrients are destroyed; especially vitamins A & B; which are extremely important to a developing baby. When you steam and puree your own fruits and veggies, you are able to retain much more of those vital nutrients. TIP: use the water you use to steam the food (from the steamer or pot), to add in making your purees.
-It is free of preservatives. Packaged baby food has to have chemicals put into it so it can sit in a jar or pouch (for up to 3 years on the store shelf) without spoiling. A good comparison is a cheeseburger at any fast food place. You can leave that thing sitting on your patio table for....a long time...and it will look just like the day you bought it. This is because of the preservatives put in it. You wouldn't feed your baby a Big Mac, would you?
-It is free of fillers and other additives. Packaged food often contains salt, butter, sugar, or starch. Either added for "taste" or to take up space. None of which have nutritional value.
-You have more options to introduce foods and rule out allergens. If you are wanting to be cautious of possible food allergies, then you have probably been told to introduce new foods one at a time, waiting at least 3-4 days before introducing a new food. With packaged foods, there aren't very many single foods; most are mixed or a combination. Also there is the possible culprit of additives or fillers. This makes it almost impossible to know what your baby might be allergic to. If you are feeding him one food, with only water added, then you can pretty much pinpoint the (food) culprit.
-It will never be recalled. I was horrified to learn that there have been documented times where baby food has been recalled by major companies. There is a lot of information out there that says this is inaccurate, were hoaxes, or nonsense, but where there is smoke.....We all know that multi-million dollar companies can easily cover up mistakes.
-It can be more cost efficient. Of course this depends on the price of the food you are using, and whether or not you produce it in bulk, and freeze or not.
-Home made tastes better (try it yourself)! It is also more likely that your baby will be open to trying new foods if he has been exposed to what REAL food tastes like from the get go.
Here are some negatives to making home made food:
-It is time consuming
-It can cost more
-It can be frustrating to do all the work involved (shop for the food, peel and cut up the food, steam the food, then puree/blend the food and portion it)
Here is how I got started and what I've learned:
-I bought the baby bullet since I was pretty clueless about the whole process. It comes with 2 blades (one for pureeing and one for milling), 2 sizes of blending bowls, 6-two ounce storage containers, 1 freezable batch tray that stores 6-two ounce portions, a food introduction guide/recipe book, and plastic spatula. I think I paid $50 for it on sale. I think it was a great place to start. However, I'm advanced enough now, (and cooking much larger portions that do not even fit in the larger blending bowl), that I no longer use the baby bullet, and just use my regular old blender. What was really great about this package was the step by step guide about introducing foods at certain ages, what foods to avoid, an idea of how much to give, and the recipes. I guess I could have hunted all this down on line, or bought a book, but this was a very concise way to take in this information. And I love the little food storage containers, they have little smiley faces on them and are just adorable. You certainly don't have to have the baby bullet, I had several people say they used the Ninja or other food processor, and it worked great. Just as did ice cube trays to freeze the food. I also recommend a steamer, with at least 2 trays. I tried the baskets you put in a large pot on the stove, and they simply don't hold very much. There are also really cool gadgets out there that you can stem and puree the food all with one machine. I haven't tried any, so I'm not sure how they work, or how much they cost.
-I started with brown rice cereal as the first food I introduced. The milling blade worked great to crush it into a powder and then I cooked that. This was much cheaper than buying the box of cereal. After that came the banana. This is a staple in my son's diet, and for a while I had to mix it with almost everything to get him to try it, then I slowly have taken it out as his openness to food has increased. Every 4-7 days (depending on our schedule and what was going on), I would introduce a new food. Once you are know there are no negative reactions to the food, then you can mix it with other safe foods that are liked.
-I did try freezing the food, and I would recommend doing this as well. This will definitely save time and energy. However, defrosting it was a pain if you need it right then, since hot water is basically the only option, and I didn't find a container, or plastic bag that kept all water out. It also seems that my son hated the texture of the food once it had been frozen. It did seem to really change the consistency once frozen- thawed, but he may just be odd like me about textures.
-As he began eating more I quickly realized I didn't have enough containers to keep the food in. I went to Target (any store that sells plastic has them) and bought the 4 oz Rubbermaid containers and these are the perfect size.
-As I have been making more food, I changed how I portioned it. I had been making one food at a time then trying to put it into the containers immediately after. This became infuriating when I came to the last 2-3 foods left to make and I realized that didn't have any more small containers. So now I make each kind, then pour into a big plastic bowl with lid and put it in the refrigerator and portion out food later as I needed it, or for the day. As a side note, I've read that most babies (my son is no different), prefer food at room temperature, so I set out his food about an hour before he usually will eat it.
-We all know fresh is ideal, and organic is best. I also try to buy local since I live in an area where there is so much locally grown fresh produce at either the farmer's markets or local-only food stores. However, some places do not always have certain things in stock. So since I make his food 2-3 times a week, I have to go shop for the food 2-3 times a week, and I go to at least 2-3 different places. This isn't necessary, and I certainly have used regular and organic produce from the grocery store. That is up to each individual.
The bottom line: Making the food yourself is time consuming, and depending on where you have to go to get it can add more time to the process. Doing all the steps (buying, peeling, cutting, steaming, blending) requires even more time! No lie, I get quite sick of it. And the more mobile my son gets, the harder it gets to keep him occupied while I attend to making it every time. There have been several times on my trips to the store that I've thought I would just break down and buy some packaged food but I haven't, and I'm so glad. I have bought some frozen food that is home made by a local company that just started up. It's still in the freezer and I should probably pitch it at this point actually, but I did buy it as back up, in case I was in a pinch. We all don't have the luxury of time, but since I work 3 days a week, I'm able to use some of my off time to make the food, and I'm so grateful for that. It really does make me feel good to know that I'm doing everything I can to make sure my son gets the most nutritional food. Even if he has spit it back out or thrown it at me a few times.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
MY MOM
Since it's Mother's Day, what better thing to write about, than my wonderful mother. There are people out there that love their mom, don't know their mom, hate their mom, don't have a relationship at all with their mom, and so on. I have at least one friend or client in each of these categories (a little heavier on the negative mom relationship in the client area, mind you).
I've been blessed with a fantastic mother. I hope to paint a picture of her greatness in this post, but I know ultimately, that is really impossible. There are no words that could ever describe her beauty and greatness, inside and out. But I sure will try.
First, and most importantly of all, my mom is a Godly woman. She instilled in me, the importance of having a relationship with Christ personally, and bringing up children in a Christian home. Mom is not the type of person to ever be "in your face" about her beliefs. Although I know she can quote and find scripture to witness if needed, she is instead the more quiet type to show her faith through actions and example. She treats everyone she interacts with, with kindness and respect, and general care and concern; stranger or not. My mom devotes time everyday to spending time in the word and in prayer, and this is a big inspiration to me.
Next, mom is a woman of action. She amazes me that at 63 years of age, she could run circles around most 20-somethings. Not literally running, but in DOING! Such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, cooking something; any task, you name it; She will get it done faster, and better than anyone. She rarely sits still. She gets up most days at 3:30 in the AM! On days she goes to work as the office manager of the supermarket in town, she is there at 5 am. Even with a 7 month old I'm not up that early! Many of us would come home and relax after a 9 hour day, but not my mom. She will get home and work in the yard making sure it looks pristine, clean up the house, make dinner...something that needs to get done.
Besides working part time, she also watches my son 2 days a week. On the days that she comes to my house to watch him, mom manages to do all my laundry and clean my entire house-and take care of my son!! On days when she watches him at her house, she has dinner ready for me to take back to my house for my husband and myself to enjoy. I don't know where she gets the energy, but I sure do appreciate all that she does with it!
Mom is a woman who values her family. She has always sacrificed so that her kids and grandkids could have whatever they needed or wanted. She does so selflessly, and because she truly wants us to be happy and taken care of. I think family is probably the most important aspect of mom's life, and it shows. She was always at any of my sporting events, recitals, performances, etc growing up, and she continues to get to all of her grandkids events. She loves being a part of her family's lives. She loves to socialize and spend real quality time together.
This is only the beginning of some of the wonderful qualities my mom possess. Here are some other loves/favorites/facts that make my mom wonderful and unique. My mom is an immaculate housekeeper. You could probably eat off her floor or toilet seats it's so clean! My mom loooves coffee. Bold, dark roast, black. She really likes it from Panera, but it has to be from certain Panera's in town, as it doesn't taste as good at some of the locations as it does others. Mom looves dark chocolate. She prefers Russel Stover's dark chocolate buttercreams, but cupcakes, cake, etc will sometimes due. She also loves Italian Creme cake. Who am I kidding, she loves sweets in general. I definitely get this from her! Mom loves and has a well manicured lawn (she hates weeds), with lots of beautiful flowers. Mom has quite the collection of Precious Moments. Mom was valedictorian of her high school class. She was a cheerleader and majorette in high school. She graduated from cosmetology school and hated it, so she decided not to pursue a career being a beautician. Mom loves Chanel and Eternity perfume. I wish I knew how good those must smell. Although mom does have lots of recipes in the drawer at home, I think she rarely uses them. I ask her how to make something and she can tell me everything that's in something, but has no idea of the exact measurement. Regardless, she's an amazing cook. I think her iced sugar cookies she makes at Christmastime are my favorite. Mom is a great teacher. She has taught Sunday School at church for as long as I can remember. Mom can't sing. This is an ongoing joke in our family, especially if we are in church together. I guess making a joyful noise is the point! Mom's favorite colors are purple and green. At least they were when I was growing up. I made sure to put those colors in every card I made or picture I drew. Some of my very favorite memories of being a child are mom and I sitting in a lawn chair, gazing up at the moon and singing "I see the moon." (this was before I realized she was tone deaf). Mom is a great story teller. When I was young we would sit by the fire and she would read or tell me stories. I think my favorite was the Little Red Hen. My mom has a clap that I could pick out of a line- up of 50 people with my back turned, if they were all clapping at once. It is loud and distinctive. She attributes this to being the loudest cheerleader on the squad.
I could go on and on. She really is a wonderful woman, and I have been so blessed to have her as my mother, and as a great example of what being a mom is all about. Thank you for all you do for me and my family mom. I love and appreciate you so much!
I've been blessed with a fantastic mother. I hope to paint a picture of her greatness in this post, but I know ultimately, that is really impossible. There are no words that could ever describe her beauty and greatness, inside and out. But I sure will try.
First, and most importantly of all, my mom is a Godly woman. She instilled in me, the importance of having a relationship with Christ personally, and bringing up children in a Christian home. Mom is not the type of person to ever be "in your face" about her beliefs. Although I know she can quote and find scripture to witness if needed, she is instead the more quiet type to show her faith through actions and example. She treats everyone she interacts with, with kindness and respect, and general care and concern; stranger or not. My mom devotes time everyday to spending time in the word and in prayer, and this is a big inspiration to me.
Next, mom is a woman of action. She amazes me that at 63 years of age, she could run circles around most 20-somethings. Not literally running, but in DOING! Such as mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, cooking something; any task, you name it; She will get it done faster, and better than anyone. She rarely sits still. She gets up most days at 3:30 in the AM! On days she goes to work as the office manager of the supermarket in town, she is there at 5 am. Even with a 7 month old I'm not up that early! Many of us would come home and relax after a 9 hour day, but not my mom. She will get home and work in the yard making sure it looks pristine, clean up the house, make dinner...something that needs to get done.
Besides working part time, she also watches my son 2 days a week. On the days that she comes to my house to watch him, mom manages to do all my laundry and clean my entire house-and take care of my son!! On days when she watches him at her house, she has dinner ready for me to take back to my house for my husband and myself to enjoy. I don't know where she gets the energy, but I sure do appreciate all that she does with it!
Mom is a woman who values her family. She has always sacrificed so that her kids and grandkids could have whatever they needed or wanted. She does so selflessly, and because she truly wants us to be happy and taken care of. I think family is probably the most important aspect of mom's life, and it shows. She was always at any of my sporting events, recitals, performances, etc growing up, and she continues to get to all of her grandkids events. She loves being a part of her family's lives. She loves to socialize and spend real quality time together.
This is only the beginning of some of the wonderful qualities my mom possess. Here are some other loves/favorites/facts that make my mom wonderful and unique. My mom is an immaculate housekeeper. You could probably eat off her floor or toilet seats it's so clean! My mom loooves coffee. Bold, dark roast, black. She really likes it from Panera, but it has to be from certain Panera's in town, as it doesn't taste as good at some of the locations as it does others. Mom looves dark chocolate. She prefers Russel Stover's dark chocolate buttercreams, but cupcakes, cake, etc will sometimes due. She also loves Italian Creme cake. Who am I kidding, she loves sweets in general. I definitely get this from her! Mom loves and has a well manicured lawn (she hates weeds), with lots of beautiful flowers. Mom has quite the collection of Precious Moments. Mom was valedictorian of her high school class. She was a cheerleader and majorette in high school. She graduated from cosmetology school and hated it, so she decided not to pursue a career being a beautician. Mom loves Chanel and Eternity perfume. I wish I knew how good those must smell. Although mom does have lots of recipes in the drawer at home, I think she rarely uses them. I ask her how to make something and she can tell me everything that's in something, but has no idea of the exact measurement. Regardless, she's an amazing cook. I think her iced sugar cookies she makes at Christmastime are my favorite. Mom is a great teacher. She has taught Sunday School at church for as long as I can remember. Mom can't sing. This is an ongoing joke in our family, especially if we are in church together. I guess making a joyful noise is the point! Mom's favorite colors are purple and green. At least they were when I was growing up. I made sure to put those colors in every card I made or picture I drew. Some of my very favorite memories of being a child are mom and I sitting in a lawn chair, gazing up at the moon and singing "I see the moon." (this was before I realized she was tone deaf). Mom is a great story teller. When I was young we would sit by the fire and she would read or tell me stories. I think my favorite was the Little Red Hen. My mom has a clap that I could pick out of a line- up of 50 people with my back turned, if they were all clapping at once. It is loud and distinctive. She attributes this to being the loudest cheerleader on the squad.
I could go on and on. She really is a wonderful woman, and I have been so blessed to have her as my mother, and as a great example of what being a mom is all about. Thank you for all you do for me and my family mom. I love and appreciate you so much!
Monday, April 23, 2012
COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINES
A couple weeks ago, during our DBT team meeting, I participated in a very enlightening exercise. We were given a coloring sheet and a box of colored pencils and 5 minutes to mindfully color our picture-with our non-dominate hand.
As I began, I approached this task much like I do everything; by going into super-planning mode. A ton of thoughts flooded my brain as I planned, such as which colors would look best and where, and how I would possibly be able to color to perfection with my left hand. I spent about 30 seconds in planning mode when a great idea struck me. I decided, "just have fun with this!" And that is what I did. I spent the next 4 1/2 minutes coloring out of control. I picked random colors and went crazy as my lefty did some amazingly sloppy color work. It wasn't pretty by any means. The colors certainly spilled over the lines. It did in fact look like a 4 year old took their best shot at it. But while engaging in this exercise I had a lot of revelations and one very clear memory.
I was back in second grade, coloring a picture of santa, in a train, for the yearly coloring competition our elementary school had. I worked so hard every year. Selecting the perfect colors, using my awesome shading method of making the borders very dark and then lightly coloring in between. Every year I thought how wonderful I did, and couldn't fathom how I couldn't win, or at least place in the top 3. Guess what? I never did. Not one year of K-6 did I place in the Christmas Coloring Contest. Despite all my planning and hard work, I never got the payoff I thought I deserved.
Part of that second grade memory that hit me during this exercise was a kid in my class. I won't mention his name, but if we went to school together, ask me, and I'll tell you who it was. He had a much different approach to coloring his picture. He colored with reckless abandon. Colors were flying and he was pressing so hard on the desk that I'm surprised he didn't color a hole through it. I was quite annoyed, as I could clearly see his sloppy and unattractive work. I could also see the smile that he had the whole time that he was coloring. It was like it was the most fun he had ever had in his entire life. Not to mention he was done in about 5 minutes and on to other more enjoyable activities, while I sat frowning and stressed, trying to perfect my masterpiece.
So during out exercise, as I flashed back to that memory, I channeled my classmate. I colored with fun in mind. And exactly that happened! I had a blast! I didn't finish my picture, and I didn't care to. I had accomplished what I set out to achieve. It was a great feeling.
This simple exercise reminded me that not everything in life has to be approached with such planning and perfection in mind. My husband also helps remind me of this, and keeps me more balanced when it comes to life in general. He is much more laid-back and the "fly by the seat of his pants and enjoy it all" kind of guy. A big reason I love him, another I want to strangle him sometimes. But I think we all need people, and reasons to simply let go, and just enjoy things at times. Whether it's a task, or work, or something intended to be fun, we need to be able to enjoy more and stress less. By no means am I saying that planning and perfectionism don't have their place, because I certainly believe they do, I also think that I can let go and just enjoy a whole lot more. After all, isn't enjoying life the point?
As I began, I approached this task much like I do everything; by going into super-planning mode. A ton of thoughts flooded my brain as I planned, such as which colors would look best and where, and how I would possibly be able to color to perfection with my left hand. I spent about 30 seconds in planning mode when a great idea struck me. I decided, "just have fun with this!" And that is what I did. I spent the next 4 1/2 minutes coloring out of control. I picked random colors and went crazy as my lefty did some amazingly sloppy color work. It wasn't pretty by any means. The colors certainly spilled over the lines. It did in fact look like a 4 year old took their best shot at it. But while engaging in this exercise I had a lot of revelations and one very clear memory.
I was back in second grade, coloring a picture of santa, in a train, for the yearly coloring competition our elementary school had. I worked so hard every year. Selecting the perfect colors, using my awesome shading method of making the borders very dark and then lightly coloring in between. Every year I thought how wonderful I did, and couldn't fathom how I couldn't win, or at least place in the top 3. Guess what? I never did. Not one year of K-6 did I place in the Christmas Coloring Contest. Despite all my planning and hard work, I never got the payoff I thought I deserved.
Part of that second grade memory that hit me during this exercise was a kid in my class. I won't mention his name, but if we went to school together, ask me, and I'll tell you who it was. He had a much different approach to coloring his picture. He colored with reckless abandon. Colors were flying and he was pressing so hard on the desk that I'm surprised he didn't color a hole through it. I was quite annoyed, as I could clearly see his sloppy and unattractive work. I could also see the smile that he had the whole time that he was coloring. It was like it was the most fun he had ever had in his entire life. Not to mention he was done in about 5 minutes and on to other more enjoyable activities, while I sat frowning and stressed, trying to perfect my masterpiece.
So during out exercise, as I flashed back to that memory, I channeled my classmate. I colored with fun in mind. And exactly that happened! I had a blast! I didn't finish my picture, and I didn't care to. I had accomplished what I set out to achieve. It was a great feeling.
This simple exercise reminded me that not everything in life has to be approached with such planning and perfection in mind. My husband also helps remind me of this, and keeps me more balanced when it comes to life in general. He is much more laid-back and the "fly by the seat of his pants and enjoy it all" kind of guy. A big reason I love him, another I want to strangle him sometimes. But I think we all need people, and reasons to simply let go, and just enjoy things at times. Whether it's a task, or work, or something intended to be fun, we need to be able to enjoy more and stress less. By no means am I saying that planning and perfectionism don't have their place, because I certainly believe they do, I also think that I can let go and just enjoy a whole lot more. After all, isn't enjoying life the point?
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
GRATITUDE
Is it just me, or is everyone and everything in our existence super negative? Ok, so that's a little extreme....it's not everyone and everything, but it sure is A LOT of people and things. This is one big reason I choose not to watch the news. I did happen to tune in a couple of weeks ago, only for a local interest piece, that after 15 minutes in, I realized it aired the night before. What a complete waste of time. Those 15 minutes were full of nothing but child beating, child killing, people stealing, low life living-CRAP! And I need to be informed of this because......? That's right, I don't. Which again, is why I choose normally NOT to watch the news. Some say ignorance is bliss, I tend to think of it as not knowing the crap saves me undue heartache and anger.
This post isn't about the news, but it is about focusing on the positive, and what we have to be grateful for, instead of complaining and getting stuck in what "we want, don't have, should get, etc" mode. If you haven't done so before, just take one day to notice the negative versus positive around you. Listen to the people you live with, work with, get services from. Listen to what you hear on the radio, the tv, walking down the street, what you read in the paper, or a book. Take stock; are these things polluting your head and turning your focus towards the negative?? Chances are the answer is YES!
We get so gripey and comlainy. Yes, I know those aren't actual words, but I think we all get what I mean. So many of us have it so good-beyond good. We are blessed beyond measure. However we get bogged down in what isn't going right, what we want instead of what we have/need, how things could be, etc. This is going to be a short post because I really don't think there is a whole lot left to say, except:
Count your blessings, and start approaching your day and the people in your life with a heart of gratitude and a mind focused on the positive aspects of life. (Even if you spill that $5 mocha you waited 15 minutes in line for. There certainly are far worse things in life.) I guarantee it will make an amazing difference. And while you are at it, why not cut out those sources of negativeness and ungratefulness. I know you'll be glad you did!
This post isn't about the news, but it is about focusing on the positive, and what we have to be grateful for, instead of complaining and getting stuck in what "we want, don't have, should get, etc" mode. If you haven't done so before, just take one day to notice the negative versus positive around you. Listen to the people you live with, work with, get services from. Listen to what you hear on the radio, the tv, walking down the street, what you read in the paper, or a book. Take stock; are these things polluting your head and turning your focus towards the negative?? Chances are the answer is YES!
We get so gripey and comlainy. Yes, I know those aren't actual words, but I think we all get what I mean. So many of us have it so good-beyond good. We are blessed beyond measure. However we get bogged down in what isn't going right, what we want instead of what we have/need, how things could be, etc. This is going to be a short post because I really don't think there is a whole lot left to say, except:
Count your blessings, and start approaching your day and the people in your life with a heart of gratitude and a mind focused on the positive aspects of life. (Even if you spill that $5 mocha you waited 15 minutes in line for. There certainly are far worse things in life.) I guarantee it will make an amazing difference. And while you are at it, why not cut out those sources of negativeness and ungratefulness. I know you'll be glad you did!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
LETTING GO
So after an extended (and unintentional) hiatus, I'm trying to get back at this. I've had so many topics I've wanted to write about, that my mind has been overly stimulated and hard to focus! I picked today's post because it is something that I've struggled with a long time, but also something that I'm finally getting better at.
My husband would say I'm the type of person to hold a grudge. I would say I'm the type of person who when hurt, experiences this hurt deeply, and has a hard time healing from this hurt, and needs more time than the average bear to "get over it." That is if bears feel emotional pain, I guess.
Somewhat recently, aforementioned husband was on the giving end of some of this emotional pain. I'll be the first to say, my husband is a wonderful husband, man, father, friend, etc. However, he isn't perfect, so all of you reading this who know him, accept this hard to believe truth. Yes, he is fallible; sometimes horribly fallible.I know this logically, but sometimes I still find myself amazed when he does something that is hurtful. I'm sure we all feel that way when someone we care about makes this mistake. I won't get into what he did, as I don't necessarily feel it's relevant to the point of this post. But I will say that it is something that he has done before. It's difficult for me to forgive and forget being hurt in the first place, especially if I've been assured that this behavior wouldn't be occurring again. This thought, as well as many others sticks with me when I've been hurt. It's accompanied by, "How could he?" "Why would he?" "It hurts so much!" "I don't deserve this!" And a million other thoughts that keep me holding onto my hurt and anger.
I don't want to hold onto this hurt and anger, but for some reason it just keeps sticking around. It's like a heavy bag that I carry around every day, dumping a little of the hurt and anger out, until eventually somehow it feels like the bag is empty, and I can move on, and am able to fully "forgive." So this would make it seem, for me, that simply the passing of time is the only way to let go of the hurt. And I still think, depending on the hurt, that it is the only way. I guess it's the old adage of "Time heals all wounds." In some cases it does. However, there is one BIG problem with this. The more time that I spend wallowing in my hurt and trying to get over it, but really hanging onto it, the more time I have wasted. If it takes me a week to get over the hurtful thing my husband has done, then during that week there have been hundreds of opportunities for us to connect, love each other, nurture each other, share in fun and laughs, appreciate our son and daughter together, and grow as a couple. Those are moments and opportunities that we won't get back.
I wanted to share with you the phrase that has helped me realize that holding onto negative life events takes away from the opportunities to enjoy the good. It came from one of the 4 agreement cards that I talked about in the post on 2/5/12. It says:
Whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means that you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now.
When I read this for the first time, a light bulb clicked on. It almost brought me to tears because it felt so powerful. When I read it, I was thinking about some past anger that I had (not husband related), and my desire to let go of it, but feeling like it was impossible. Reading this gave me hope. It brought me awareness that all the time, energy, and effort put into holding onto ANYTHING negative that has happened to me, only keeps me from enjoying the goodness that is right in front of me right now. So I have been using this phrase to remind myself that since life is indeed short, I need to relish in all the positive, happy, great moments. I need to let go of what is already done. I can't change it. It is what it is.
Does this mean that I don't get hurt, upset, or angry anymore? Hek no. And I expect that throughout my life, this will continue to happen, not only because of my husbands actions, but because of the many other people in my life that are also human and fallible. But I am trying to slowly change my thinking about it. I want to enjoy that dream in front of me right now, because it's a good one. I bet yours is too.
My husband would say I'm the type of person to hold a grudge. I would say I'm the type of person who when hurt, experiences this hurt deeply, and has a hard time healing from this hurt, and needs more time than the average bear to "get over it." That is if bears feel emotional pain, I guess.
Somewhat recently, aforementioned husband was on the giving end of some of this emotional pain. I'll be the first to say, my husband is a wonderful husband, man, father, friend, etc. However, he isn't perfect, so all of you reading this who know him, accept this hard to believe truth. Yes, he is fallible; sometimes horribly fallible.I know this logically, but sometimes I still find myself amazed when he does something that is hurtful. I'm sure we all feel that way when someone we care about makes this mistake. I won't get into what he did, as I don't necessarily feel it's relevant to the point of this post. But I will say that it is something that he has done before. It's difficult for me to forgive and forget being hurt in the first place, especially if I've been assured that this behavior wouldn't be occurring again. This thought, as well as many others sticks with me when I've been hurt. It's accompanied by, "How could he?" "Why would he?" "It hurts so much!" "I don't deserve this!" And a million other thoughts that keep me holding onto my hurt and anger.
I don't want to hold onto this hurt and anger, but for some reason it just keeps sticking around. It's like a heavy bag that I carry around every day, dumping a little of the hurt and anger out, until eventually somehow it feels like the bag is empty, and I can move on, and am able to fully "forgive." So this would make it seem, for me, that simply the passing of time is the only way to let go of the hurt. And I still think, depending on the hurt, that it is the only way. I guess it's the old adage of "Time heals all wounds." In some cases it does. However, there is one BIG problem with this. The more time that I spend wallowing in my hurt and trying to get over it, but really hanging onto it, the more time I have wasted. If it takes me a week to get over the hurtful thing my husband has done, then during that week there have been hundreds of opportunities for us to connect, love each other, nurture each other, share in fun and laughs, appreciate our son and daughter together, and grow as a couple. Those are moments and opportunities that we won't get back.
I wanted to share with you the phrase that has helped me realize that holding onto negative life events takes away from the opportunities to enjoy the good. It came from one of the 4 agreement cards that I talked about in the post on 2/5/12. It says:
Whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means that you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now.
When I read this for the first time, a light bulb clicked on. It almost brought me to tears because it felt so powerful. When I read it, I was thinking about some past anger that I had (not husband related), and my desire to let go of it, but feeling like it was impossible. Reading this gave me hope. It brought me awareness that all the time, energy, and effort put into holding onto ANYTHING negative that has happened to me, only keeps me from enjoying the goodness that is right in front of me right now. So I have been using this phrase to remind myself that since life is indeed short, I need to relish in all the positive, happy, great moments. I need to let go of what is already done. I can't change it. It is what it is.
Does this mean that I don't get hurt, upset, or angry anymore? Hek no. And I expect that throughout my life, this will continue to happen, not only because of my husbands actions, but because of the many other people in my life that are also human and fallible. But I am trying to slowly change my thinking about it. I want to enjoy that dream in front of me right now, because it's a good one. I bet yours is too.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
PATIENCE
I've realized every day since I finished my last post that I needed to write a new one. Life has been busy lately! I've also struggled to feel inspired or passionate about anything to write, but then I realized that it was this train of thought that kept me from ever starting my blog in the first place. So today I'm pushing past that train of thought and writing about something that helped lift my spirits and was a great reminder.
I consider my Christian faith to be one of the most important aspects of my life. I try often every day to spend time in prayer, and I try to set aside more substantial time to read the Word and be mindful about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Sometimes, with being so busy, I have to find ways to squeeze this in; while rocking my son to sleep at night, when I have a few minutes between client appointments, or finally laying in bed at the end of the day. To make it a little more convenient, I have an app for this! It's a daily devotion app. While I don't consider it the same as actually taking out the Bible and reading it, it's the next best thing, and I love the thoughts that go along with the daily verse.
A couple of days ago, this was the verse from my devotion: Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord- Psalm 27:14.
I very much needed to be reminded of this. It seems there is so much going on in my life that I want to happen right now. I get so stressed, worked up, and overwhelmed and I have it in my head that if certain things would happen NOW then everything would be better. But I realize that this is not the case. So many times in life I can look back at situations and realize that if I had gotten some of the things I wanted, when I wanted them my life would probably be a mess and I'd likely be unhappy. It's amazing how timing really is everything-sometimes!
So I'm trying to be more patient, and endure some of the tough stuff. I hope that this tough stuff doesn't last forever, and I know logically it can't and won't. What I really struggle with is obsessing to find a solution. I am very solution focused. That is a strength, as well as a vice I have. Not every problem has a solution, and even if it has a solution, it may not be possible for that solution to occur NOW. I can work myself into a fit of anxiety with trying to hurry up and wait! Perhaps I just need to take a deep breath, find the positives about the situation, be courageous, and wait.
I think this quote sums it up nicely: "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it open." -Arnold Glassglow
So I'm trying to be more patient, and endure some of the tough stuff. I hope that this tough stuff doesn't last forever, and I know logically it can't and won't. What I really struggle with is obsessing to find a solution. I am very solution focused. That is a strength, as well as a vice I have. Not every problem has a solution, and even if it has a solution, it may not be possible for that solution to occur NOW. I can work myself into a fit of anxiety with trying to hurry up and wait! Perhaps I just need to take a deep breath, find the positives about the situation, be courageous, and wait.
I think this quote sums it up nicely: "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it open." -Arnold Glassglow
Saturday, February 11, 2012
CRY IT OUT
I've really been wanting to write about the "Cry It Out" (CIO) method for a while now. The main reason I haven't has been for fear that I would offend someone or hurt their feelings. Then I realized that I can't have a blog AND have this fear, so I'm over it. The CIO method is a very big debate now, and has been for many years in the parenting world. It usually evokes strong feelings in people, as most people seem to be at one end of the spectrum or the other. Please know, if you are one of the parents that is on the other end of the spectrum than I am, I DO NOT THINK BADLY OF YOU. I DON'T THINK YOU ARE A BAD OR MEAN PARENT. IF YOU DID SOMETHING I DON'T SUPPORT OR AGREE WITH, IT'S OK. YOU DID WHAT WORKED FOR YOU, AND I THINK THAT IS WHAT'S ALWAYS BEST FOR EVERY PARENT AND FAMILY. So did we all catch that? Good, because I'm not saying it again!
First, let me acknowledge my own fallibility, and where things started with me even contemplating using a CIO method. COMPARING!!! (see post on 2/1 about this. I had to re-read it several times to remind myself). It just seems that everyone I know with a baby now, or who in the past 20 years has had a baby asks "Is he sleeping through the night?" It's like our society is obsessed with this. It sends the message that if your child (regardless of age) isn't sleeping a solid 10-12 hours, then there is something wrong or abnormal with him or her. So I started thinking that my son should be doing this too. Even though he only wakes 2-3 times a night, to nurse for about 15 minutes, then generally goes right back to sleep. Sometimes he's a little ornery and wants to be awake or play a little, but even that is pretty rare. This schedule hasn't been affecting my sleep that much, so I didn't think it a big deal. Until I started comparing and making a problem where there wasn't one.
Regardless, I wanted to know more about the CIO methods, as many people had talked about using it to sleep train their child. Some parents also use it so as to not "spoil" their baby. I hate that people actually think that you can spoil a baby. A baby who is helpless, and has no way to get his needs met, other than by a caregiver. Meeting a child's needs is not spoiling. Over-indulging a child's wants is. Plus, a baby does not have the cognitive capacity to want anything yet or the abilities to manipulate us by crying!!! Yes, they are crying because they need something. Sometimes it's simply just needing to be held close and nurtured. If you think this is spoiling, please read the many articles below on attachment.
The attachment theory is something I strongly believe in. I believe in it because there has been a LOT of research done on it over the past 40+ years (keep in mind that's much longer than many of the vaccines that our doctors recommend we give our children). Research consistently shows the necessity of a child to bond with his or her caregiver, which is usually a parent. It also shows the importance of the caregiver responding quickly, and sensitively, and how this develops securely attached children who become healthy adults who are then capable of establishing healthy relationships. Here is a very brief summary about attachment theory: The central theme of attachment theory is that mothers who are available and responsive to their infant's needs establish a sense of security in their children. The infant knows that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world. An abundance of research shows that regular physical contact, reassurance, and prompt responses to distress in infancy and childhood results in secure and confident adults who are better able to form functional relationships.
Study after study have been done over the years to confirm this theory. I think most parents would agree with this theory, despite the fact that the CIO method goes completely against this theory. Yes, you read that right. A CIO method basically ignores what we know to be true about attachment. Does a CIO method work? Apparently it often does, for many babies and their family. Does that mean it is safe, or without negative effects? I don't believe so. I can feel some of your blood pressure's rising as you process this. Again, read the all caps statement in the first paragraph.
Much of my thinking is based on my education (Masters degree in Clinical Psychology) and my work experience (13 years now working with children, adults, and families either doing therapy or direct psychiatric care). I'm a little bit of a crunchy type mom as well. With that being said, my education taught me to read, conduct, and believe in research that has valid findings. I use these skills every time I make an important decision. I have to say, all of the research that I've been wading through provides evidence that a CIO method has so many negative risks. It can cause long lasting damage. Does this mean it will? Of course not. Flying, surgery, rock climbing, eating fast food, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol; these all have risks of negative results, but many of us engage in some of these behaviors. I say this to point out that just because something bad can happen, doesn't mean it will. But if it is HIGHLY LIKELY, then I'd rather err on the side of caution. So much of the research out there proves that it is more likely than not, that there could be a negative impact on the child if subjected to a CIO method.
There are many types and variations of the CIO method. Some where you let the child cry for intervals and offer soothing either in between intervals or crying, or while the child is crying or both. Some methods say you put the baby in their crib to sleep around 8 pm, close the door, and don't go back in until 7 am no matter what; leaving the baby to cry....for ten minutes, 30 minutes.....all night long possibly. Or until they vomit or hyperventilate. Yeah, that sounds healthy. Proponents of a CIO method will tell you it works, that they were able to get much needed sleep and get their life back. I'm sorry, but I feel that this is more about US as parents, then about our child and what he or she needs. I do indeed believe that this type of method can work, but I've read that it takes anywhere from 3-7 nights. And anytime there is a disruption in schedule or an illness, then it has to be repeated. As if it isn't torturous enough to the child and parents to do it one round, there has to be multiple rounds? No thank you. Why would I do this to my child when it simply isn't necessary? Here is what happens physically when a child is left to cry: (taken from one of the articles below. And since I'm not doing a research paper here myself, I'm not citing anything in this post, but all the articles are below)
"It has been suggested in the past that CIO is healthy for infants’ physical development, particularly the lungs. A recent study looking at the immediate and long-term physiologic consequences of infant crying suggests otherwise. The following changes due to infant crying have been documented: increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced oxygen level, elevated cerebral blood pressure, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, interrupted mother-infant interaction, brain injury, and cardiac dysfunction. "
And here is what happens emotionally:
"The first phase, labeled “protest”, consists of loud crying and extreme restlessness. The second phase, labeled “despair”, consists of monotonous crying, inactivity, and steady withdrawal. The third phase, labeled “detachment”, consists of a renewed interest in surroundings, albeit a remote, distant kind of interest. Thus, it appears that while leaving babies to cry it out can lead to the eventual dissipation of those cries, it also appears that this occurs due to the gradual development of apathy in the child. The child stops crying because she learns that she can no longer hope for the caregiver to provide comfort, not because her distress has been alleviated."
So bottom line, the baby stops crying because she has given up hope. And trust. Wow. That is something I NEVER want to do to my child. Sleep deprived or not. But that's just me. Not to mention all the PROVEN physical distress it puts on a child. Does this mean I have to be next to or holding my child at all times in order to respond instantaneously? Certainly not, and we all know this isn't possible. But why would I want to just leave him to cry or not respond timely? Just so you know, most societies don't work like ours, (busy, busy, stuff-to-do, can't be bothered) in that most non-Western societies "wear" (like the Baby Bjorn, but usually made out of cloth or fabric) their children most of the time. Therefore they can respond quickly to their children. Can you guess the crying habits of these children compared to children in our society? Our children were much fussier, cried more often, and for longer periods of time. Again proving that attending to a child's needs quickly is more beneficial to him or her (and the caregiver and their relationship)!
I could probably go on and on about this topic, as there is just so much to say about it. What I find particularly interesting is there is LOTS of evidence showing that a CIO method is likely harmful to children. I couldn't find ANY evidence showing that it without a doubt is not. If you find some, please share it with us. What I did find is lots of people (some doctors, some nurses, some parent educators) advocating to use a method that does in fact work for many people. I didn't find any of these people doing ANY education or awareness about the potential risks or negative consequences (physically and emotionally) of using this type of method. And certainly if a doctor recommended our child get surgery or begin a medication we would expect that they would inform us potential risks or side effects, right? Seems quite concerning that those urging us to use this method are keeping this vital information hush hush. Much like telling you to give your child "these" vaccinations but not explaining what's in them, potential risks, etc. But I've already addressed that soap box, I guess.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again, it is OUR responsibility as parents to make the best and most informed decisions for our children. Just because the doctor recommends it, or your well intentioned friend, sister, mom etc says it will work, doesn't mean it is best for your child. We live in a culture focused on instant gratification. Give it to me now, fix this now, no time to wait.....yada yada yada. Part of being a parent is making sacrifices and suffering! Hopefully not all the time, but likely for a lot of it (might as well accept it now). Hopefully the good and happy moments outweigh the tough ones. Although we may have to learn how to function on a few hours of sleep. We may be grumpy at times. We might have to actually hold our little bundle of love instead of getting on Facebook or making that phone call. But WE are adults. We have the skills and resources to figure out how to problem solve and cope with life's stressors, as well as prioritize what is important and what can wait. If we don't then we need to get some help and probably hold off on having any more kids for the time being. I know my child is worth making sacrifices for, so I will continue to do so.
As I've started researching CIO and sleep training, I have also been making a few changes with my son to see if I could possibly lengthen the amount of time between wakings at night. I know I said I didn't feel like there was a problem with his sleeping, and I don't think there is. However, I did find a lot of research showing that consistent solid sleep without waking is highly beneficial to babies. So I figured if there were some things I could do to promote this that were safe, easy, and healthy, why not give it a try. So I made the following small changes: I moved bath time from morning, to every night around the same time. While keeping lullaby music on, after bath time we put pajamas on and then it's the last feeding before bed. I have also started giving him 2 oz of pumped milk in a bottle after he nurses. I've also turned the night light out that I had been using, to where it is much darker and turned on white noise all night long. Prior to these changes he had been waking every 3 hours from his last night feeding until time to get up in the morning (some slight variation here and there). So night 1 he went 3 1/2 hours, night 2 he went 4 1/2 hours. Night 3 he went 6 hours, and night 4 he went 8 hours. It may be a fluke. I don't know, but it's working. Maybe my attitude about responding to him has changed and became more positive. I have no idea. If he goes back to every 3 hours, I'm more than okay with that. It's just more time I get to snuggle and love on him, and it's soo worth it! I have ordered a couple books about sleep training and nap training that I'm excited to read about. They are:
No Cry Sleep Solution and No Cry Nap Solution both by Elizabeth Pantley. I'll let you know what I discover from those readings.
Here are the links to the articles and studies I read about CIO method, attachment, etc Please note that every article is either based on research itself or is citing research. Good luck!
First, let me acknowledge my own fallibility, and where things started with me even contemplating using a CIO method. COMPARING!!! (see post on 2/1 about this. I had to re-read it several times to remind myself). It just seems that everyone I know with a baby now, or who in the past 20 years has had a baby asks "Is he sleeping through the night?" It's like our society is obsessed with this. It sends the message that if your child (regardless of age) isn't sleeping a solid 10-12 hours, then there is something wrong or abnormal with him or her. So I started thinking that my son should be doing this too. Even though he only wakes 2-3 times a night, to nurse for about 15 minutes, then generally goes right back to sleep. Sometimes he's a little ornery and wants to be awake or play a little, but even that is pretty rare. This schedule hasn't been affecting my sleep that much, so I didn't think it a big deal. Until I started comparing and making a problem where there wasn't one.
Regardless, I wanted to know more about the CIO methods, as many people had talked about using it to sleep train their child. Some parents also use it so as to not "spoil" their baby. I hate that people actually think that you can spoil a baby. A baby who is helpless, and has no way to get his needs met, other than by a caregiver. Meeting a child's needs is not spoiling. Over-indulging a child's wants is. Plus, a baby does not have the cognitive capacity to want anything yet or the abilities to manipulate us by crying!!! Yes, they are crying because they need something. Sometimes it's simply just needing to be held close and nurtured. If you think this is spoiling, please read the many articles below on attachment.
The attachment theory is something I strongly believe in. I believe in it because there has been a LOT of research done on it over the past 40+ years (keep in mind that's much longer than many of the vaccines that our doctors recommend we give our children). Research consistently shows the necessity of a child to bond with his or her caregiver, which is usually a parent. It also shows the importance of the caregiver responding quickly, and sensitively, and how this develops securely attached children who become healthy adults who are then capable of establishing healthy relationships. Here is a very brief summary about attachment theory: The central theme of attachment theory is that mothers who are available and responsive to their infant's needs establish a sense of security in their children. The infant knows that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world. An abundance of research shows that regular physical contact, reassurance, and prompt responses to distress in infancy and childhood results in secure and confident adults who are better able to form functional relationships.
Study after study have been done over the years to confirm this theory. I think most parents would agree with this theory, despite the fact that the CIO method goes completely against this theory. Yes, you read that right. A CIO method basically ignores what we know to be true about attachment. Does a CIO method work? Apparently it often does, for many babies and their family. Does that mean it is safe, or without negative effects? I don't believe so. I can feel some of your blood pressure's rising as you process this. Again, read the all caps statement in the first paragraph.
Much of my thinking is based on my education (Masters degree in Clinical Psychology) and my work experience (13 years now working with children, adults, and families either doing therapy or direct psychiatric care). I'm a little bit of a crunchy type mom as well. With that being said, my education taught me to read, conduct, and believe in research that has valid findings. I use these skills every time I make an important decision. I have to say, all of the research that I've been wading through provides evidence that a CIO method has so many negative risks. It can cause long lasting damage. Does this mean it will? Of course not. Flying, surgery, rock climbing, eating fast food, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol; these all have risks of negative results, but many of us engage in some of these behaviors. I say this to point out that just because something bad can happen, doesn't mean it will. But if it is HIGHLY LIKELY, then I'd rather err on the side of caution. So much of the research out there proves that it is more likely than not, that there could be a negative impact on the child if subjected to a CIO method.
There are many types and variations of the CIO method. Some where you let the child cry for intervals and offer soothing either in between intervals or crying, or while the child is crying or both. Some methods say you put the baby in their crib to sleep around 8 pm, close the door, and don't go back in until 7 am no matter what; leaving the baby to cry....for ten minutes, 30 minutes.....all night long possibly. Or until they vomit or hyperventilate. Yeah, that sounds healthy. Proponents of a CIO method will tell you it works, that they were able to get much needed sleep and get their life back. I'm sorry, but I feel that this is more about US as parents, then about our child and what he or she needs. I do indeed believe that this type of method can work, but I've read that it takes anywhere from 3-7 nights. And anytime there is a disruption in schedule or an illness, then it has to be repeated. As if it isn't torturous enough to the child and parents to do it one round, there has to be multiple rounds? No thank you. Why would I do this to my child when it simply isn't necessary? Here is what happens physically when a child is left to cry: (taken from one of the articles below. And since I'm not doing a research paper here myself, I'm not citing anything in this post, but all the articles are below)
"It has been suggested in the past that CIO is healthy for infants’ physical development, particularly the lungs. A recent study looking at the immediate and long-term physiologic consequences of infant crying suggests otherwise. The following changes due to infant crying have been documented: increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced oxygen level, elevated cerebral blood pressure, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, interrupted mother-infant interaction, brain injury, and cardiac dysfunction. "
And here is what happens emotionally:
"The first phase, labeled “protest”, consists of loud crying and extreme restlessness. The second phase, labeled “despair”, consists of monotonous crying, inactivity, and steady withdrawal. The third phase, labeled “detachment”, consists of a renewed interest in surroundings, albeit a remote, distant kind of interest. Thus, it appears that while leaving babies to cry it out can lead to the eventual dissipation of those cries, it also appears that this occurs due to the gradual development of apathy in the child. The child stops crying because she learns that she can no longer hope for the caregiver to provide comfort, not because her distress has been alleviated."
So bottom line, the baby stops crying because she has given up hope. And trust. Wow. That is something I NEVER want to do to my child. Sleep deprived or not. But that's just me. Not to mention all the PROVEN physical distress it puts on a child. Does this mean I have to be next to or holding my child at all times in order to respond instantaneously? Certainly not, and we all know this isn't possible. But why would I want to just leave him to cry or not respond timely? Just so you know, most societies don't work like ours, (busy, busy, stuff-to-do, can't be bothered) in that most non-Western societies "wear" (like the Baby Bjorn, but usually made out of cloth or fabric) their children most of the time. Therefore they can respond quickly to their children. Can you guess the crying habits of these children compared to children in our society? Our children were much fussier, cried more often, and for longer periods of time. Again proving that attending to a child's needs quickly is more beneficial to him or her (and the caregiver and their relationship)!
I could probably go on and on about this topic, as there is just so much to say about it. What I find particularly interesting is there is LOTS of evidence showing that a CIO method is likely harmful to children. I couldn't find ANY evidence showing that it without a doubt is not. If you find some, please share it with us. What I did find is lots of people (some doctors, some nurses, some parent educators) advocating to use a method that does in fact work for many people. I didn't find any of these people doing ANY education or awareness about the potential risks or negative consequences (physically and emotionally) of using this type of method. And certainly if a doctor recommended our child get surgery or begin a medication we would expect that they would inform us potential risks or side effects, right? Seems quite concerning that those urging us to use this method are keeping this vital information hush hush. Much like telling you to give your child "these" vaccinations but not explaining what's in them, potential risks, etc. But I've already addressed that soap box, I guess.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again, it is OUR responsibility as parents to make the best and most informed decisions for our children. Just because the doctor recommends it, or your well intentioned friend, sister, mom etc says it will work, doesn't mean it is best for your child. We live in a culture focused on instant gratification. Give it to me now, fix this now, no time to wait.....yada yada yada. Part of being a parent is making sacrifices and suffering! Hopefully not all the time, but likely for a lot of it (might as well accept it now). Hopefully the good and happy moments outweigh the tough ones. Although we may have to learn how to function on a few hours of sleep. We may be grumpy at times. We might have to actually hold our little bundle of love instead of getting on Facebook or making that phone call. But WE are adults. We have the skills and resources to figure out how to problem solve and cope with life's stressors, as well as prioritize what is important and what can wait. If we don't then we need to get some help and probably hold off on having any more kids for the time being. I know my child is worth making sacrifices for, so I will continue to do so.
As I've started researching CIO and sleep training, I have also been making a few changes with my son to see if I could possibly lengthen the amount of time between wakings at night. I know I said I didn't feel like there was a problem with his sleeping, and I don't think there is. However, I did find a lot of research showing that consistent solid sleep without waking is highly beneficial to babies. So I figured if there were some things I could do to promote this that were safe, easy, and healthy, why not give it a try. So I made the following small changes: I moved bath time from morning, to every night around the same time. While keeping lullaby music on, after bath time we put pajamas on and then it's the last feeding before bed. I have also started giving him 2 oz of pumped milk in a bottle after he nurses. I've also turned the night light out that I had been using, to where it is much darker and turned on white noise all night long. Prior to these changes he had been waking every 3 hours from his last night feeding until time to get up in the morning (some slight variation here and there). So night 1 he went 3 1/2 hours, night 2 he went 4 1/2 hours. Night 3 he went 6 hours, and night 4 he went 8 hours. It may be a fluke. I don't know, but it's working. Maybe my attitude about responding to him has changed and became more positive. I have no idea. If he goes back to every 3 hours, I'm more than okay with that. It's just more time I get to snuggle and love on him, and it's soo worth it! I have ordered a couple books about sleep training and nap training that I'm excited to read about. They are:
No Cry Sleep Solution and No Cry Nap Solution both by Elizabeth Pantley. I'll let you know what I discover from those readings.
Here are the links to the articles and studies I read about CIO method, attachment, etc Please note that every article is either based on research itself or is citing research. Good luck!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
BEING MINDFUL
As part of my job, I facilitate a type of therapy called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). Part of doing this therapy requires that I participate in a consultation team/group with other therapists that areeither currently facilitating DBT, or being a support person who at some point will do so. This group is where we practice the skills that we are teaching clients, get support from one another about our own struggles and ways to manage them, find ways to improve and expand our program, etc. A big part of DBT, and something the team practices regularly when we meet each week is something called mindfulness. In short, mindfulness can be described as paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.
I can say from experience, it is a very difficult skill to use, however it is so helpful and enlightening. Some people might wonder why it is useful, or think it to be silly and simplistic. In our fast paced world we are so focused on multi-tasking and thinking a million and one crazy thoughts all at the same time, that we are rarely EVER fully present in what we are doing in the here and now. Sometimes when I'm driving or cleaning it really dawns on me how easy it is to be set on auto-pilot and going about the task at hand, but my mind is somewhere else completely. Kind of scary when I realize it's happened while driving and I can't recall going through a town; not that big of a deal if I'm unsure if I did or didn't mop half the kitchen floor.
But how sad is it that we do this when we are participating in the GOOD and the (supposed to be) pleasurable stuff in life? So instead of soaking up and really appreciating the amazing beach views on our vacation, we are already worried about everything we have to do when we get home. Are you guilty? I have been too, a lot. Have you ever noticed how amazing food tastes when you really focus on each bite, noticing the different ingredients, textures, smells (for those of you who can),etc? We did an exercise in team where we put a Hershey's kiss in our mouths and had to let it melt and just notice and be mindful of everything about that little piece of chocolate. Under normal circumstances, if given a Hershey's kiss, most of us would have tossed it in our mouth and barely even noticed it, then reached for another one (or 5). I have to say, it was the best Hershey's kiss I ever ate. Imagine applying this on a bigger scale to the important things in life.
I remember when my husband and I were dating and we took (an amazing, yet crazy) trip to Ireland with a group of about 20 friends. While it was a great time, I was often so distracted by the many happenings amongst us all, that I wasn't fully able to take in all that amazing beauty. I remember going to the Cliffs of Moher, but I was so focused on how cold my feet were and so worried that we would somehow fall off the edge, that it's now difficult for me to recall the complete majesty that surrounded me that day. And I don't have the friends to blame for distracting me, because it was just my husband and I there. Sadly, I know the pictures I took don't even come close to doing it justice. I intend to go back someday and really soak up those cliffs, as well as everything else in Ireland.
I'm really trying to put mindfulness into practice with the people in my life. Especially my son. I hear so many people saying "Enjoy it now, they grow up so fast," and "He won't be a baby for long." How true this is. I don't want to look back on his first few years of life, of any of them for that matter, and disappointedly realize that I was so busy and distracted by life's mundane tasks and hassles that I didn't take in and truly enjoy every second of his preciousness that I could. I'm also trying to be better at this with my husband. When he is out of town it is difficult for us to find time that we can have more than a 5 minute conversation on the phone at one time. I often find myself typing an email or filing something (ok, or catching up on DVR'd Jersey Shore), while talking to him. That's not fair to him. He deserves my full attention. His words matter and I should be mindful of taking them in and showing him love and concern by being fully in the moment and conversation with him. I'll try harder, and do better. It's a great place to start.
We can all improve our ability to be mindful. All it really takes is practice. To start practicing you can google mindfulness and you'll discover a ton of exercises and ways to practice this. I've been surprised by how much more aware of doing it/not doing it I have become. When I remind myself to be mindful and in the moment, I seem to get more out of whatever it is I'm doing, and enjoy it more. I think you will too.
On a side note, you may find a lot of references to Buddhism or other such religions pertaining to mindfulness. This may concern or bother some Christians. Practicing mindfulness does not mean you are somehow being sacrileges. Prayer and meditation are forms of mindfulness, so please do not get caught up in where the term originated.
“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are
I can say from experience, it is a very difficult skill to use, however it is so helpful and enlightening. Some people might wonder why it is useful, or think it to be silly and simplistic. In our fast paced world we are so focused on multi-tasking and thinking a million and one crazy thoughts all at the same time, that we are rarely EVER fully present in what we are doing in the here and now. Sometimes when I'm driving or cleaning it really dawns on me how easy it is to be set on auto-pilot and going about the task at hand, but my mind is somewhere else completely. Kind of scary when I realize it's happened while driving and I can't recall going through a town; not that big of a deal if I'm unsure if I did or didn't mop half the kitchen floor.
But how sad is it that we do this when we are participating in the GOOD and the (supposed to be) pleasurable stuff in life? So instead of soaking up and really appreciating the amazing beach views on our vacation, we are already worried about everything we have to do when we get home. Are you guilty? I have been too, a lot. Have you ever noticed how amazing food tastes when you really focus on each bite, noticing the different ingredients, textures, smells (for those of you who can),etc? We did an exercise in team where we put a Hershey's kiss in our mouths and had to let it melt and just notice and be mindful of everything about that little piece of chocolate. Under normal circumstances, if given a Hershey's kiss, most of us would have tossed it in our mouth and barely even noticed it, then reached for another one (or 5). I have to say, it was the best Hershey's kiss I ever ate. Imagine applying this on a bigger scale to the important things in life.
I remember when my husband and I were dating and we took (an amazing, yet crazy) trip to Ireland with a group of about 20 friends. While it was a great time, I was often so distracted by the many happenings amongst us all, that I wasn't fully able to take in all that amazing beauty. I remember going to the Cliffs of Moher, but I was so focused on how cold my feet were and so worried that we would somehow fall off the edge, that it's now difficult for me to recall the complete majesty that surrounded me that day. And I don't have the friends to blame for distracting me, because it was just my husband and I there. Sadly, I know the pictures I took don't even come close to doing it justice. I intend to go back someday and really soak up those cliffs, as well as everything else in Ireland.
I'm really trying to put mindfulness into practice with the people in my life. Especially my son. I hear so many people saying "Enjoy it now, they grow up so fast," and "He won't be a baby for long." How true this is. I don't want to look back on his first few years of life, of any of them for that matter, and disappointedly realize that I was so busy and distracted by life's mundane tasks and hassles that I didn't take in and truly enjoy every second of his preciousness that I could. I'm also trying to be better at this with my husband. When he is out of town it is difficult for us to find time that we can have more than a 5 minute conversation on the phone at one time. I often find myself typing an email or filing something (ok, or catching up on DVR'd Jersey Shore), while talking to him. That's not fair to him. He deserves my full attention. His words matter and I should be mindful of taking them in and showing him love and concern by being fully in the moment and conversation with him. I'll try harder, and do better. It's a great place to start.
We can all improve our ability to be mindful. All it really takes is practice. To start practicing you can google mindfulness and you'll discover a ton of exercises and ways to practice this. I've been surprised by how much more aware of doing it/not doing it I have become. When I remind myself to be mindful and in the moment, I seem to get more out of whatever it is I'm doing, and enjoy it more. I think you will too.
On a side note, you may find a lot of references to Buddhism or other such religions pertaining to mindfulness. This may concern or bother some Christians. Practicing mindfulness does not mean you are somehow being sacrileges. Prayer and meditation are forms of mindfulness, so please do not get caught up in where the term originated.
“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are
attentive, you will see it. ”
Sunday, February 5, 2012
BEING RIGHT
Over the next few days or weeks, I will probably write a lot about the knowledge I gain from the cards of the Four Agreements that I've started using in therapy. These cards are adapted from the book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. These agreements are so empowering and inspiring, and are a way to help us attain personal freedom and true happiness. The four agreements are : 1)Be impeccable with your word, 2)Don't take anything personally, 3)Don't make assumptions, and 4)Always do your best. There are 12 cards in each of the 4 agreement areas. I'll put a link at the bottom for both the book and the cards, in case anyone is interested.
The card I picked today is from the Be impeccable with Your Word agreement. The card says: Release the need to be right. On the back it states: "When you believe something, you assume you are right, and you may even destroy relationships in order to defend your position. Let go of the need to defend your position."
This really hit home with me when I read it today after I could recall about 5 instances this morning in which my husband and I engaged in meaningless 2-3 minute bickering sessions in which we both were trying to prove we were right about something. To give you an idea of how silly and pointless these debates were, here is one of the scenarios: We were leaving church and my husband was holding our son. I put the car seat down so that he could put the baby in and we could get going. One of the blankets we use to cover him in the seat and keep the wind out was down in the seat, so I moved it. My husband asks me, "Why did you move the blanket? Now you have to put it on the seat all over again when it was already there." Me: "No, it wasn't where it was supposed to be, if I hadn't moved it, he would be sitting on it, and then we would have to pull it out from under neath him." Husband: "No it was on top where is was supposed to be." And so on, and so on this silly debate went for about 3 minutes. On the way out my step-daughter asks "What in the world are you guys arguing about?" What indeed.
Again, this was only 1 of about 5 of these types of conversations that occurred. I know that my husband and I are not the only ones guilty of these petty discussions(are we?), and the need to prove we are right. So when I read about letting go of the need to defend your position, I thought, wow, how empowering. I can think I'm right in my head, and not have to waste time, energy, and brain power defending why I think I'm right. Sounds simple, huh? I already know this is much easier said than done, but I feel it's worthwhile enough to try. How much better to spend my time saying important, helpful, and loving words than defending nonsense.
I kind equate this to the old "Pick your battles" advice. I say this because if it is an important issue, one that I really feel necessary to voice my opinion and hash out, then I'm going to do that. Where the blanket actually was this morning was not one of these situations. So I hope that any of you reading this will take some time and examine your own need to be right, and that you may also start trying to let go of that need. Good luck!
The 48 cards:
The card I picked today is from the Be impeccable with Your Word agreement. The card says: Release the need to be right. On the back it states: "When you believe something, you assume you are right, and you may even destroy relationships in order to defend your position. Let go of the need to defend your position."
This really hit home with me when I read it today after I could recall about 5 instances this morning in which my husband and I engaged in meaningless 2-3 minute bickering sessions in which we both were trying to prove we were right about something. To give you an idea of how silly and pointless these debates were, here is one of the scenarios: We were leaving church and my husband was holding our son. I put the car seat down so that he could put the baby in and we could get going. One of the blankets we use to cover him in the seat and keep the wind out was down in the seat, so I moved it. My husband asks me, "Why did you move the blanket? Now you have to put it on the seat all over again when it was already there." Me: "No, it wasn't where it was supposed to be, if I hadn't moved it, he would be sitting on it, and then we would have to pull it out from under neath him." Husband: "No it was on top where is was supposed to be." And so on, and so on this silly debate went for about 3 minutes. On the way out my step-daughter asks "What in the world are you guys arguing about?" What indeed.
Again, this was only 1 of about 5 of these types of conversations that occurred. I know that my husband and I are not the only ones guilty of these petty discussions(are we?), and the need to prove we are right. So when I read about letting go of the need to defend your position, I thought, wow, how empowering. I can think I'm right in my head, and not have to waste time, energy, and brain power defending why I think I'm right. Sounds simple, huh? I already know this is much easier said than done, but I feel it's worthwhile enough to try. How much better to spend my time saying important, helpful, and loving words than defending nonsense.
I kind equate this to the old "Pick your battles" advice. I say this because if it is an important issue, one that I really feel necessary to voice my opinion and hash out, then I'm going to do that. Where the blanket actually was this morning was not one of these situations. So I hope that any of you reading this will take some time and examine your own need to be right, and that you may also start trying to let go of that need. Good luck!
The 48 cards:
The book:
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
COMPARISONS
I think as a human, it is innate for us to compare ourselves with others. Sometimes, this can be healthy and motivating (ie, if I want a tight butt like hers, I probably should forgo this chocolate fudge cake and take a run). Other times it can be unhealthy, and cause us to feel negatively about ourselves. This in turn can lead to more serious problems like anxiety and depression.
Being a parent we enter into a whole new realm of comparisons however. I find this especially true being a new parent. My friend “Sally’s” daughter is the same age as my son and sleeps a solid 8-9 hours without waking. My co-worker “Michelle” can pump 3 times the amount I do at each pumping. My friend “Denise’s” husband gets up at night and changes the baby’s diaper while she gets relaxed/ready to nurse the baby. My cousin “Brenda” had her daughter vaccinated using the standard schedule and had no problems. And on, and on, and on my brain goes. The end result of all these comparisons is this: I end up making problems where there aren’t any.
Speaking honestly, I would love it if my son did in fact sleep through the night and I got an uninterrupted night’s sleep. But just because I don’t, and he gets hungry more often and wants to eat(who can blame him, so do I), doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with him, or me. My son is very healthy, and an extremely happy and entertaining child. My cousin Kara (and yes, that’s actually her name, so no “ “) gave me some of the best advice when I was pregnant when she reminded me not to compare my son with other children, or to the way other parents do things. How could I forget such great advice? I’m not sure, but I did, and still do. Every time I talk to someone about their child! Like I said, I think comparing is natural-initially. However, it can become a bad, bad habit. It is appropriate to make sure my son is hitting developmental milestones and is physically healthy, just as getting other parents perspective on the way they do things can be helpful (read this book, try this trick).
If we get stuck in comparison mode, then we again make problems where there probably aren’t any. We wind up giving ourselves undue stress and worry, and we lose sight of the greatness in our own lives. SO, I remind myself that my husband is a wonderful father and husband for many reasons, even if he does get to sleep while I am awake (I won’t breast feed forever). I keep in mind that my son used to wake up every one and a half to two hours, so we’ve made a lot of progress going 3-5 hours. I keep in mind that I am pumping enough milk to keep my son growing and happy, and I might not get time away as frequently as I would like. Parenting requires sacrifice, and I knew that going in.
So creating balance is key. Finding the positives is necessary. Focusing on what is going right, instead of what COULD go wrong is essential. And being grateful that we, just like our child, are unique and precious individuals. Thank God for that! How boring would this place be if we were all alike?
I wanted to write about this because I know we are all guilty of this comparison trap, parent or not. Let’s not lose perspective of how great we are. Sure, so-and-so is fit, firm, only buys/eats/cooks organic, has a fantastic job, a fancy house, her kid never cries, yada yada yada (if you know/find this woman, please connect me with her so I can inquire about her many secrets). That doesn’t make her better than me, or you. Can’t we all be fabulous in our own ways? The answer is yes. So remind
yourself right now about some of those things that make YOU wonderful.
Remember, “Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown
Being a parent we enter into a whole new realm of comparisons however. I find this especially true being a new parent. My friend “Sally’s” daughter is the same age as my son and sleeps a solid 8-9 hours without waking. My co-worker “Michelle” can pump 3 times the amount I do at each pumping. My friend “Denise’s” husband gets up at night and changes the baby’s diaper while she gets relaxed/ready to nurse the baby. My cousin “Brenda” had her daughter vaccinated using the standard schedule and had no problems. And on, and on, and on my brain goes. The end result of all these comparisons is this: I end up making problems where there aren’t any.
Speaking honestly, I would love it if my son did in fact sleep through the night and I got an uninterrupted night’s sleep. But just because I don’t, and he gets hungry more often and wants to eat(who can blame him, so do I), doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with him, or me. My son is very healthy, and an extremely happy and entertaining child. My cousin Kara (and yes, that’s actually her name, so no “ “) gave me some of the best advice when I was pregnant when she reminded me not to compare my son with other children, or to the way other parents do things. How could I forget such great advice? I’m not sure, but I did, and still do. Every time I talk to someone about their child! Like I said, I think comparing is natural-initially. However, it can become a bad, bad habit. It is appropriate to make sure my son is hitting developmental milestones and is physically healthy, just as getting other parents perspective on the way they do things can be helpful (read this book, try this trick).
If we get stuck in comparison mode, then we again make problems where there probably aren’t any. We wind up giving ourselves undue stress and worry, and we lose sight of the greatness in our own lives. SO, I remind myself that my husband is a wonderful father and husband for many reasons, even if he does get to sleep while I am awake (I won’t breast feed forever). I keep in mind that my son used to wake up every one and a half to two hours, so we’ve made a lot of progress going 3-5 hours. I keep in mind that I am pumping enough milk to keep my son growing and happy, and I might not get time away as frequently as I would like. Parenting requires sacrifice, and I knew that going in.
So creating balance is key. Finding the positives is necessary. Focusing on what is going right, instead of what COULD go wrong is essential. And being grateful that we, just like our child, are unique and precious individuals. Thank God for that! How boring would this place be if we were all alike?
I wanted to write about this because I know we are all guilty of this comparison trap, parent or not. Let’s not lose perspective of how great we are. Sure, so-and-so is fit, firm, only buys/eats/cooks organic, has a fantastic job, a fancy house, her kid never cries, yada yada yada (if you know/find this woman, please connect me with her so I can inquire about her many secrets). That doesn’t make her better than me, or you. Can’t we all be fabulous in our own ways? The answer is yes. So remind
yourself right now about some of those things that make YOU wonderful.
Remember, “Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown
Monday, January 30, 2012
MOMMY CONCERNS
Monday, January 30, 2012
My son is 4 months old. I'm not sure how concerned most mothers are with issues such as vaccination, breast feeding, starting solids etc. I am the type of person that obsesses about these things, but perhaps in a healthy way. I ask virtually everyone I know/respect what they have done, I read and educate myself, take a class if possible, I discuss all options with my husband, I pray, pray, pray, then make the decision. I'm sure to most people this might be over kill, especially depending on the decision. I'm not this thorough with everything, but with most major concerns. In this blog I'm going to address my specific concerns and experiences with both breast feeding and vaccines.
BREAST FEEDING
(that was your warning, stop reading now if you don't want to read lots about this)
I had never, EVER considered the option of breast feeding; until I was 5 months pregnant, and sitting at a restaurant with 3 of my closest friends. I get weirdly squeemish at lots of things (such as the sight of blood, which incidentally crushed my hopes of being a brain surgeon when I was younger), and the thought of my son nursing made me want to vomit. I had it in my brain that I would try to pump, but didn't want to fully commit to the whole idea of breast feeding. Honestly, looking back now, I realize that the main reason that I didn't want to do it was that I had no knowledge or education about why I would want to get over the fact that I thought it was weird and gross.
Each of my 3 friends at dinner with me had at least 1 child they had breast fed, for a minimum of 3 months. I commend these women, and I'm so thankful for the knowledge and education they imparted on me that day. So even though it nearly made me pass out to really think about what they were saying, I listened. And then I began my decision making process. I talked to several other friends, co-workers, and family members. I was surprised to find out that the majority of them had breast fed, but most of them did not have much success at it. Many stuck with this for a couple of months, and only 1 person I talked with was able to continue breast feeding for 1 year. This person was a co-worker who suggested a book that really helped her. Eighteen pages in, after reading the 35 reasons breast feeding is better than formula feeding, I was pretty much sold. But I read the rest of that book, another book, took a class to really prepare myself, discussed/prepared my husband and knew it was the best decision for my son.
I'm happy to report that so far it is going great. I think that all my homework paid off. We haven't had any problems. I began pumping when recommended at 5 weeks to start storing up a frozen supply, and we introduced a bottle with breast milk at 6 weeks, giving one here and there to get him used to it. I went back to work (3 days a week) after 12 weeks and he continues to do great going back and forth between nursing and the bottle. My goal in the beginning was to go at least 2 months, then 4, and now I hope to continue this until he is 1. My supply is getting fairly low, so if my husband and I ever want to have another overnight away then we will have to supplement with formula. My son's pediatrician (and several other friends) assured me that he will always prefer breast milk. I hope this is the case if/when we do supplement. It's crazy to me that I went from someone so anit-breast feeding, to someone so committed to it and successful at it. I'm pretty proud of myself for making the many sacrifices that come along with this. By no means am I any expert on breast feeding, but I do have knowledge and experience, so if anyone has any questions, let me know. Here is the name of the excellent book I highly recommend to anyone before they make the decision for or against breast feeding:
So that's what they're for! by Janet Tamaro
VACCINES
This is an area that is under so much debate. It's also an area that I hadn't really thought much about until talking with my a friend who is a physician in St. Louis. Her daughter has been diagnosed with autism, and my friend feels strongly it is due to the infected rotavirus vaccine that she was given. I have worked closely with many autistic children in my field of work, both as a psych tech, and in behavior therapy. While more and more resources and treatments for autism are being developed and implemented, the actual cause is still fairly unknown. There are many theories, and lots of studies and connections, but nothing that can be infinitely pinpointed as THE cause. Besides the possible link to autism, I think there are many other reasons to really investigate vaccines.
When my son went to get his 2 month vaccinations, I didn't even think twice about some of the theories between vaccines and autism, or some of the other risks. No one had really talked to me about that yet, so it wasn't on my mind. However, after I talked to my friend I began obsessing and worrying. She was very helpful in explaining why vaccinations are given when they are and what vaccinations she feels aren't needed as soon as the standard schedule outlines, and which ones can possibly be forgone altogether. I won't pass on her specific advice to avoid the grapevine affect. What I will say is just that beginning this talk with her has opened my eyes wide to vaccines. She recommended a book, that I will also recommend:
The Vaccine Book by Robert W. Sears, M.D., F.A.A.P
I am amazed to learn about how the vaccinations are made, and what is in them. Did anyone else know that besides aluminum and mercury (which are concerning themselves), many vaccinations contain Formaldehyde and cow tissue, and some vaccines contain monkey kidney cells or fetal cow blood??? Crazy!! I try not to question science, the Center for Disease Control, the American Academy of Pediatrics, etc too much. But I strongly feel as parent I have a responsibility to make the best possible decisions for MY child. That might not be the same decision for the child next door, but thankfully I'm not responsible for him. Reading this book and talking with others (as well as lots of prayer) has helped me to come to the conclusion of vaccinating using a delayed schedule. My son will still get all his required (by the state to go to school) shots, but one at a time, making sure that he responds well to each, and getting the most needed shots first.
When a child gets 5-8 vaccinations at once there is no way to tell what might be responsible for an adverse reaction if there is one. Plus it eliminates the risk of having lots of high aluminum shots together. He likely won't get the Rotavirus or Hep A vaccinations, as the risks do not seem to outweigh the benefits. This is the plan for now and I feel good about it. I only wish our pediatrician had been more helpful in coming to this decision. While she did state that it was our decision to make
(oh really??), she did not appear open to collaborating on a plan or schedule. We're keeping her as our pediatrician as of now because she has been great so far, and came so highly recommended from many friends. However, I worry that if we could not collaborate about this major decision, then there will be problems in the future. We shall see. If anyone has any thoughts or comments about vaccinations, I would love to hear them.
My son is 4 months old. I'm not sure how concerned most mothers are with issues such as vaccination, breast feeding, starting solids etc. I am the type of person that obsesses about these things, but perhaps in a healthy way. I ask virtually everyone I know/respect what they have done, I read and educate myself, take a class if possible, I discuss all options with my husband, I pray, pray, pray, then make the decision. I'm sure to most people this might be over kill, especially depending on the decision. I'm not this thorough with everything, but with most major concerns. In this blog I'm going to address my specific concerns and experiences with both breast feeding and vaccines.
BREAST FEEDING
(that was your warning, stop reading now if you don't want to read lots about this)
I had never, EVER considered the option of breast feeding; until I was 5 months pregnant, and sitting at a restaurant with 3 of my closest friends. I get weirdly squeemish at lots of things (such as the sight of blood, which incidentally crushed my hopes of being a brain surgeon when I was younger), and the thought of my son nursing made me want to vomit. I had it in my brain that I would try to pump, but didn't want to fully commit to the whole idea of breast feeding. Honestly, looking back now, I realize that the main reason that I didn't want to do it was that I had no knowledge or education about why I would want to get over the fact that I thought it was weird and gross.
Each of my 3 friends at dinner with me had at least 1 child they had breast fed, for a minimum of 3 months. I commend these women, and I'm so thankful for the knowledge and education they imparted on me that day. So even though it nearly made me pass out to really think about what they were saying, I listened. And then I began my decision making process. I talked to several other friends, co-workers, and family members. I was surprised to find out that the majority of them had breast fed, but most of them did not have much success at it. Many stuck with this for a couple of months, and only 1 person I talked with was able to continue breast feeding for 1 year. This person was a co-worker who suggested a book that really helped her. Eighteen pages in, after reading the 35 reasons breast feeding is better than formula feeding, I was pretty much sold. But I read the rest of that book, another book, took a class to really prepare myself, discussed/prepared my husband and knew it was the best decision for my son.
I'm happy to report that so far it is going great. I think that all my homework paid off. We haven't had any problems. I began pumping when recommended at 5 weeks to start storing up a frozen supply, and we introduced a bottle with breast milk at 6 weeks, giving one here and there to get him used to it. I went back to work (3 days a week) after 12 weeks and he continues to do great going back and forth between nursing and the bottle. My goal in the beginning was to go at least 2 months, then 4, and now I hope to continue this until he is 1. My supply is getting fairly low, so if my husband and I ever want to have another overnight away then we will have to supplement with formula. My son's pediatrician (and several other friends) assured me that he will always prefer breast milk. I hope this is the case if/when we do supplement. It's crazy to me that I went from someone so anit-breast feeding, to someone so committed to it and successful at it. I'm pretty proud of myself for making the many sacrifices that come along with this. By no means am I any expert on breast feeding, but I do have knowledge and experience, so if anyone has any questions, let me know. Here is the name of the excellent book I highly recommend to anyone before they make the decision for or against breast feeding:
So that's what they're for! by Janet Tamaro
VACCINES
This is an area that is under so much debate. It's also an area that I hadn't really thought much about until talking with my a friend who is a physician in St. Louis. Her daughter has been diagnosed with autism, and my friend feels strongly it is due to the infected rotavirus vaccine that she was given. I have worked closely with many autistic children in my field of work, both as a psych tech, and in behavior therapy. While more and more resources and treatments for autism are being developed and implemented, the actual cause is still fairly unknown. There are many theories, and lots of studies and connections, but nothing that can be infinitely pinpointed as THE cause. Besides the possible link to autism, I think there are many other reasons to really investigate vaccines.
When my son went to get his 2 month vaccinations, I didn't even think twice about some of the theories between vaccines and autism, or some of the other risks. No one had really talked to me about that yet, so it wasn't on my mind. However, after I talked to my friend I began obsessing and worrying. She was very helpful in explaining why vaccinations are given when they are and what vaccinations she feels aren't needed as soon as the standard schedule outlines, and which ones can possibly be forgone altogether. I won't pass on her specific advice to avoid the grapevine affect. What I will say is just that beginning this talk with her has opened my eyes wide to vaccines. She recommended a book, that I will also recommend:
The Vaccine Book by Robert W. Sears, M.D., F.A.A.P
I am amazed to learn about how the vaccinations are made, and what is in them. Did anyone else know that besides aluminum and mercury (which are concerning themselves), many vaccinations contain Formaldehyde and cow tissue, and some vaccines contain monkey kidney cells or fetal cow blood??? Crazy!! I try not to question science, the Center for Disease Control, the American Academy of Pediatrics, etc too much. But I strongly feel as parent I have a responsibility to make the best possible decisions for MY child. That might not be the same decision for the child next door, but thankfully I'm not responsible for him. Reading this book and talking with others (as well as lots of prayer) has helped me to come to the conclusion of vaccinating using a delayed schedule. My son will still get all his required (by the state to go to school) shots, but one at a time, making sure that he responds well to each, and getting the most needed shots first.
When a child gets 5-8 vaccinations at once there is no way to tell what might be responsible for an adverse reaction if there is one. Plus it eliminates the risk of having lots of high aluminum shots together. He likely won't get the Rotavirus or Hep A vaccinations, as the risks do not seem to outweigh the benefits. This is the plan for now and I feel good about it. I only wish our pediatrician had been more helpful in coming to this decision. While she did state that it was our decision to make
(oh really??), she did not appear open to collaborating on a plan or schedule. We're keeping her as our pediatrician as of now because she has been great so far, and came so highly recommended from many friends. However, I worry that if we could not collaborate about this major decision, then there will be problems in the future. We shall see. If anyone has any thoughts or comments about vaccinations, I would love to hear them.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
THE BEGINNING
January 24, 2012
I've been saying for about 3 years now that I wanted to start a blog. So today, on my 33rd birthday, I'm turning intention into action. I'm not really certain why I've felt the need or desire to blog for so long now. I'm hoping to discover that along the journey of doing this. I would love to have a lot of people follow me, read my words, and experience some kind of amazing life change. However, I know the reality of the situation is that a handful of friends will probably check in here and there. I'm okay with this, and have come to terms with the fact that I'm not some eloquent author that can pen amazing novels, nor am I the top expert on anything. I guess I figure if I can offer someone a laugh, some insight, a new perspective or idea, then this will be worth the time and effort. So here goes.
I've been saying for about 3 years now that I wanted to start a blog. So today, on my 33rd birthday, I'm turning intention into action. I'm not really certain why I've felt the need or desire to blog for so long now. I'm hoping to discover that along the journey of doing this. I would love to have a lot of people follow me, read my words, and experience some kind of amazing life change. However, I know the reality of the situation is that a handful of friends will probably check in here and there. I'm okay with this, and have come to terms with the fact that I'm not some eloquent author that can pen amazing novels, nor am I the top expert on anything. I guess I figure if I can offer someone a laugh, some insight, a new perspective or idea, then this will be worth the time and effort. So here goes.
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