I often have such big gaps of time between blog posts, that I forget how to access the page where I can make said posts. My biggest fear in writing is that what is on my heart and mind is not profound enough to touch or reach anyone. Then I remind myself that I didn't start this blogging business for anyone but me. However, I've got a pretty good feeling about this post. I guess consider this a friendly warning: If you don't find this one at least a little profound....well, you just should.
My oldest son, who is 3 1/2 has been more into books lately. He loves all the books in his and little brother's collection, but of course he gets bored hearing the same stories over and over. Recently, we have discovered that there are 3 Little Free Libraries within reasonable stroller pushing/ walking distance. If you are unfamiliar with what a 'Little Free Library' is please google it. It's such a wonderful resource for kids and adults alike.
So yesterday both my sons and I went on a walk and visited a couple of the libraries and picked out 2 books. We didn't get time to read either until this evening. One was a little pamphlet type book about Amphibians. It was, meh. Now the other book, that book was fanfreakingtastic! And also the inspiration of this post. The name of the book is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It is 31 brief and colorful pages of awesomeness.
To give you the gist of the story, it's basically this: Everyone, everywhere, everyday carries around an invisible bucket. Our buckets have the sole purpose of holding our good thoughts and feelings about ourselves. When our bucket is full, we feel good; with an empty bucket we feel bad/sad. Other people are necessary to empty and fill our buckets. Love, kindness, nurturing, care, and concern all fill up our buckets. But actions such as making fun of, ignoring, bullying and other mean behaviors (like judging) dip into others' buckets. Also, when we fill someone's bucket, we fill our own. BUT, we never fill our own bucket when we dip into someone else's bucket.
After reading this book to my sons, I was very excited, and so were they! The oldest, I think, because he mostly understood this whole bucket concept. (He proved this to me at dinnertime by eating part of my food and then acknowledging this made me sad and he had "skipped" out of my bucket. It's pretty darn close. Yup, my kid is an emotional genius. Insert winky face Emoji here.) My younger son seemed excited because he can consistently put his rear in the air and his head on the floor without falling over. He's only 14 months, so I'll give him a pass. I was excited because of what a great and simple analogy this is! I felt a little stupid thinking that, being a mental health therapist and all, I'd never heard about building other's up or tearing them down put in such an understandable little package.
I started to think about the clients I work with, who are primarily couples in marriage counseling, working on improving or saving their marriages. It dawned on me that many of these couples (many times no different than myself, my friends, or anyone else) spend a significant amount of time dipping out of their partner's buckets. Often for reasons that feel very valid and justifiable. During sessions we tend to focus on areas such as communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, roles, parenting, etc. I realize now, while focusing on the bigger issues and goals, that I might inadvertently gloss over or miss the simple and small stuff that needs to be said or addressed. Like: JUST BUILD EACH OTHER UP! Fill each other's bucket! (Among other things. I don't want to portray that this is the only thing necessary to make relationships healthy and happy. It takes a whole lotta stuff. Like hard work. And effort. And time. And energy. I Hope you get this point).
In the marriage seminar I recently taught I closed each of the 4 classes by highlighting how showing your partner kindness and gratitude can go a very long way to help keep and/or make your relationship healthy and make each person happier. Today I found a profound way to illustrate that. Two thumbs up for the Little Free Library. Happy bucket filling!!!
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